• Still not over him…

    by  • March 4, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Confession • 0 Comments

    I think I am still in deep like or even in love with one of my best friends. I don’t know why I still have feelings for him. I met him and his friends September of my freshman year at college. My roommate and I quickly became friends with all four of the “upstairs boys.” We became a close-knit group of six. We spent weekends (and sometimes weeknights) watching movies, staying up all night, ordering takeout, taking midnight walks, and sneaking onto the fifth floor rooftop porch of our dorm building. And while my feelings toward the other three boys were completely platonic, I always thought of him a little differently. I don’t really know why. He wasn’t the most attractive, or the funniest, or even the most eager to be friends. He was a really good person I could tell that though.

    Time went on and I really started to develop a crush on him. We had Spanish together second semester and he was horrible, so we spent hours filling in workbooks, and practicing for presentations together. I remember one moment when my crush became a lot stronger; our conversation had strayed from Spanish to nothing in particular. Then I brought up that I wanted to travel, and his eyes lit up. He is not an overly chatty person but he began to talk in rapid-fire about everywhere he wants to go and everything he wants to see. To see him so passionate about something made my heart flutter a little.

    He isn’t someone a ton of people would be crushing on, not really. But, the obviously attractive guys have never been my type. I guess I did a bad job hiding my feeling because he told my roommate he guessed how I felt and he didn’t reciprocate. That was really difficult to hear. Especially since it was obvious he was crushing on a girl down the hall who was really mean to me, and had said she wanted to “ruin my life.” He didn’t know about that. After I knew he thought of me only as a friend I started to get over him. I moved on and kissed a few more frogs. And I felt fine and started to see him as just a friend. Summer helped, and even though we texted a lot it was because I missed my friend.

    Time passed and for sophomore year one of the boys transferred, and the other three moved a different building than my roommate and I did. I was worried we would lose touch. Our friendship was built so much on convenience that I thought they might find new friends. I was wrong. We still are really close with them. We see them on the weekends a lot and sometimes we study together during the week, all five of us still together. My roommate and I still refer to them as “our boys.”

    We were out at a party together recently and I could tell he was really into one of our friends. However, she is a notorious flirt and even though she was flirting back we knew she didn’t mean it. He didn’t. I was sad because I knew we were going to see his heart break. He asked her out on a date. I told you he was a good guy; guys just don’t do that very much anymore. I saw him after his date, I was over hanging out with the other boys. He had on kakis, dress shoes, and a tucked in button down. I peppered him with questions, and he had been a perfect gentlemen. And shortly after that she told him that she wasn’t interested in him. He had wanted her to be his girlfriend.

    He has been really upset about this whole situation. He must have really liked her. I get mad anytime I see her now. I just think about how she broke the heart of one of the good ones. I think about how she led him on. I see that she didn’t realize how lucky she was that someone like him liked her. She didn’t care that she led him on for weeks. She plays with boys’ heads and hearts. And this boy did not deserve either. He is too good and too kind and too loyal of a friend to deserve treatment like that. I just wish he could feel what he felt for her for me, because I car about him as a best friend and as more than that, I see why he is so special. I would never break his heart, even though he broke mine.

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