I never told you the reason why I never wanted you to make a fuss or woo me back then. It was simply because all I ever wanted or needed was time with you.
Had things gone differently last year I would be there with you now.
I wonder if you ever regret things and the actions you took. I wonder if you miss me at all. I wonder if you’re numb. I wonder if you feel that pain I feel when I think of you.
I don’t know if you realize why I was so upset. I was upset because I would have lived in a shack with you and been happy. You could have driven an ice cream truck and I would have been proud to be seen with you. You could have given me a cracker Jack ring and married me (or not) at a court house and I would have been elated.
But it didn’t happen.
Instead it changed.
After years of history you began treating me like I didn’t matter and you pushed me away. You may call it evolving. I call it gaslighting.
How does one reconcile that? I can’t. I never will.