• Love?

    by  • March 3, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Confusion • 0 Comments

    I’m so confused. I’ve been so confused ever since you left me. I had always been so sure that you were the only one I loved. When we talked and when we were together I never once doubted the love I had for you. I had no trouble understanding who I loved and who I didn’t. Now that you’re gone my heart desperately tries to fill the void you left behind. I’m so confused. Look at her. She’s beautiful and for years I had wondered if I loved her. I always came back to the assumption that I was straight but now that you’re gone I wonder if I do love her like that. In fact I’ve probably always liked her. It’s just that with you the feelings I have for others become insignificant. Today a girl thought I liked another man just because I made a new friend. Today I started questioning the feelings I actually hold for that man. Do I like him too? Won’t you come back? Of course not, you hate me. I don’t think it’s considered controlling when I try and leave you to your freedom. I think it’s acceptable to tell you that I’m upset and go on a tangent when you begin to ignore me for days with your only excuse being “I’m busy.” I knew that you were talking to other people. I got frustrated and so I told you I give up. Your words filled with anger and hatred brought tears to my eyes. Your words caused two endless streams to form on my face. You will never fully comprehend how much you have hurt and damaged me. Do I love this new man? Who know. Do I love this girl? Who knows. This time I’ll I’ll fall in love a lot more slowly and with far more barriers. This time I won’t give in so easily. This time I’ll hold things in less. This time I won’t get hurt. This time I’ll heal and forget about all you have done to me. This is my goodbye doggy, Doctor, BMS. This is also my reminder that I do indeed still love you and will never forget you because of the scars on my heart.

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