The first time I laid eyes on you, I knew I’d fucked up.
As your beautiful green eyes gazed into mine, and I gazed back, I knew that I wanted only for them to stare into the very depths of my soul, taking all of it in, and leaving nothing unseen. I wanted to reveal my darkest, deepest secrets to them, to let them consume me. However, at the time, I was with another, and I knew, every time I looked into your eyes, and you looked back, I felt as though knives were crucifying me, laying me bare and naked for all to see the torment of unfulfilled desire.
I was friendly. Very. But I kept my distance. We weren’t that close, and I must admit, I made sure of that. I couldn’t risk it. Infidelity is one of the few things in this world that truly disgusts me, and I know I’d never forgiven myself had I broken the promise I had.
I slipped up once. I heard that you were upset, and I knew I wouldn’t see you again. I ran to you. I literally dropped what I was doing and ran as fast as I could to catch you before I never saw you again. It wasn’t too far, but I was winded when I arrived. You returned to find me waiting. I feel like a part of you felt it when you saw me, standing there, exposed for the first time. We hugged goodbye for the first, last, and only time. I held it for too long, and I know I did. I just couldn’t let go for a second, and I knew when I did…
That was the last time I saw you. Every so often I check up on you online. You seem well. You’re spoken for, and very happy. I’m not. The castle I fought so hard to protect collapsed from within, and I was left barren and cold. It was my own doing; by protecting everything from the outside, I forgot to reinforce what was within, and notice that the foundation itself was at risk. Now, I have nothing.
What I wouldn’t give to go back to the last time I saw you, the first time I let you see into me.
I just know that I would not make the same mistake twice.