Driving home , Attention to detail replays the morning in her head. …
10am, she arrived at the full parking lot. Her uneasiness turned into fear and then the fear turned into excitement when she noticed the red plow. and out of nowhere he appeared.
They met in the middle, with smiles and his arms opened to hug her. Ah, she thought, here it comes.
Hugs, the one thing she loathed…and just this one time she wanted to accept one.
Was everybody in town meeting for coffee too, she laughed to herself. He mention another meeting place. She heard him, ” um just um follow me.” She flicked her wrist, to show him she got it. She thought he whispered, I’ll drive.”
She turned herself away from him when he got out, she didnt want him to see her watch him. She smiled with her eyes at his strut, it was exactly as she remembered. He said, “um I forgot something”, and turned around to retrieve it.
He was holding mail? She wanted to say something witty, but not even a sound could be delivered.
The only confident thing she still had was her comedic way she made people fall into loving her. Why did this one and only person get her tongue tied?
It’s ironic, they walked in and the song Free Fallin was playing
overhead, and she couldn’t help herself, but to take a giant exhale when she wanted to Lip Sinc the words.
“Donut?” He turned over his shoulder to ask her with his genuine smirk. Silly girl, he hadn’t change, she reminded herself. And she loved that he didn’t.
Sitting across with the small table between them, they both took a deep breath. And he proclaimed ” 20 years huh”, she mocked him “20 years yep.” She had accepted it was only coffee. Her heart raced, she put her hands in her lap so he wouldn’t see them weaken.
And then she finally relaxed with her first sip of coffee. Coffee, her drug of choice that keeps her feelings balanced. Coffee, the one thing she couldn’t ever had imagine having with him. Coffee, the thing that started this crazy beautiful mess.
His eyes over time turned from Green to smokey grey. The only color she had been obsessing at Sherwin Williams lately.
He mention his hair color too, as if she didn’t notice it. She smiled and listened to his story of some other girl admiring it.
She stared at his lips, and concentrated on all his words. She betted herself that he had earned that one wrinkle to the left…
from all his worries. The worries that he shared with only her earlier.
He revealed that he recently was recognized for an award. And if he was hers, she would of took his face and held it to congratulate him for his heroism.
She knows him way too well, he was always trying to do the right thing. Always saving the world, and she thinks he needs to save himself for awhile.
He asked how she met her husband, and then wanted to see the ring. Was it just conversation? She’ll never know, cause that one never gives up any information that she requires to know, and she wouldn’t of answer his questions anyway.
She refused to show the one symbol that tied her to someone else.
The one detail, that slipped her mind as she carefully got ready.
They sipped their coffee slow, conversation was flowing, but she didn’t say what she needed to say.
The one who thinks words are as important as the air she breathes.
And well, He didn’t say the things she wished he would of said.
If she had time, she would of told him about herself. Her favorite story from college, her first year living alone, and maybe share her tragic year that changed her.
But 20 years was hard to sum up, in an hour. And well a little pointless, since she figured this would be the one and only meeting.
The open mail was placed on the table. Oh, she thought…the familiar writing, it was hers. Cards that were given to him so many years ago. She picked up one and skimmed over the words, deliberate words regarding her having her way with him.
He kept them? She neglected to remember he was sentimental. She sunk in her seat because she was unfamiliar with that side of him.
As they walked away from each other acting like old friends, he moved forward to speak to her again, she stepped back. He stammered, “don’t step back from me.” Please she thought, take two more steps forward. For once, she needed him to cross the line, and sadly he never did.
She realized he was needing something, and for a few minutes he made her feel needed. She knows she should let go, cause he already had. These feelings were surely never planned, and tucked away in a box of memories.
She can’t put her finger on it, but he is searching for something. She wishes he would let her help him. And pretty soon, he wouldn’t make any effort, and well she would be ok. Because she smiles and laughs through everything, and people love her for that.
She was feeling successful keeping him out of her thoughts when he suddenly stop sending messages. She really didn’t want to exist in his atmosphere anymore.
But she forgot to forget him…..
the moment they met for coffee.