• An Apology Letter to the Both Of Us.

    by  • March 1, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 0 Comments

    Dear B,

    The first moment I saw you, I knew. I knew you were the one. 2013 was such a rough year for me but you made it better. You made my bad days, bright. You knew about my substance abuse and refused to be with me until I stopped. So, I stopped, for you. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I did it. I was your first everything. You have no idea how happy I was that you trusted me with such a gift. We loved each other, but we didn’t love ourselves. And that’s where the problem came in. I remember the last time we ever saw each other in December, a few days after Christmas to be exact. We were sitting in your Mustang. I knew something was wrong when you gave me that jacket back. I knew we were coming to an end. We were starting to become unbelievable close to each other. I was a bit more attached than you were. I knew you didn’t want to hurt me, but you had to do what was right for the both of us. You said if we were meant to be, than we will find each other again. I thought it was getting serious, but since I was your first girlfriend, and everything I knew you wanted to experience something beyond us. Beyond me. It wasn’t okay at first. i was only staying in Florida to be with you. I gave up my dreams for you. I was so angry that we were going our separate ways that I left the state to go find myself, but my heart was here all along. I finally understood why you let me go after all of those months, because you and I didn’t know what we wanted. You wanted me to be happy without you and you wanted me to find myself. I didn’t know who I was or where I was going. I started using again, but this time it was more hardcore. Cocaine, Liquor, etc. Then one night, I woke up and realized that I have hit rock bottom. By this time, I haven’t spoken to you in over a month. No contact. However, it’s been another month and I’m learning to stop. I’m ready to focus on myself, love who I am and be comfortable with the person that I have become. Even though we are no longer together, I will always remember the memories we shared and the nights wrapped up in gray sheets. I also want to say thank you. Thank you for loving me with all you had. You tried your best and that’s enough for me. You have made me a better person and inspired me to change. Sometimes I wonder where you are now or who you’re with but I’m slowly learning to focus on where I am and who I’m with. I guess what I’m trying to say is: This is an apology letter to the both of us for how long it took me to let things go.

    Love,
    M

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