After all these years,here I am still thinking of what ifs. A lifetime of wondering how it would have been if I had just been more honest with you and had given you a chance to bring me home that night after a friend’s party. But I was so full of pride then.I have waited for you for such a long time, I wanted to test how much you wanted me to be more than a friend too. It seemed like you had intentions but I wasn’t quite sure then. You were always surrounded by girls, you were at the top of your game. I did not want to be just a part of your list. Besides, I didn’t want to ruin our friendship by admitting that your were more than that to me. And then – -you left without saying goodbye. I was at the lowest point of my life. My parents’ business was closing down and I was the only one left to help them.I had no choice but to stay even if I wanted to follow you.In a span of three years, from a pampered daughter,I had to learn to put my emotions aside and be strong for the sake of my parents. How I looked forward to getting those letters from you.You don’t know how many times I read those letters over and over again.You don’t know how many times I wished that you were there to comfort me or give me a hug.
Now decades after and having a loving family of my own I still love you.Not in a way that will push me to leave my present family.I am so thankful that I found my husband just when I needed him most. He is a good husband and father and I love him for choosing to be with me. Something you never did.I remember your sister mentioning that you did not approve of him for me – -but you never called me. Back then – -maybe just a phone call from you would have stopped me.
So here I am writing a letter that I will never send. A letter whose sole purpose is for me to vent out what I have been feeling all these years.Now that we are at the last decade of our lives,I just wish for that one chance to catch up on a lifetime of memories. I am so proud of you and happy for what you have become. I am just wanting to say it to you straight in the face – – -that I loved you and I still care and it will end there because we have our own lives to live.My reality is with my husband and children. You were just a dream and will always be. And in the same way that you ended your letters I will end mine with –
LOTS OF LOVE