• Thank you for staying gone

    by  • September 29, 2013 • * Safe for Work *, Breaking Up • 3 Comments

    Thanks for not calling, txting, emailing, or stopping by my house.

    While I’m heartbroken that I’ve been so easy to forget and you’ve been able to move on with your life, I am so thankful that you’ve stayed away.
    I haven’t been the same since you dumped me, just hours after you told me that you loved me and only minutes after sex. Thanks for that too, I really needed you to be that cruel in order for me to remember it each time I missed you and wanted to call you.

    Thank you for not coming around making empty promises the way you always have before. Thank you for being bored with using me for sex. Thank you for hurting me so badly that the thought of you sends me straight for a box of tissues and not the phone. Thank you for not coming back begging for another chance. Even with all you’ve done, I’m afraid I’d take you back. I did so many times before, even when I knew you were lying.
    You wasted my time, I spent more time crying than I did smiling but that was never enough for me to tell you “No”…

    So thank you for finally being done with me.
    Thank you for your absence in my life.
    Today I realized that even though I’m not ready to find someone else, even though I’m not done crying over you.. I already know that I will
    fall in love again..
    The love I felt for you? The sheer power of that emotion, the willingness to compromise brought on by a desire to be fair and honest with you…
    I have never felt that before in my life, but now that I have.
    I know beyond a doubt that I was meant to spend this lifetime sharing that feeling with someone who actually deserves to be loved that way.
    So thank you for dumping me for your facebook hookups and leaving me alone so that one day I can meet that man.

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    3 Responses to Thank you for staying gone

    1. I Am So Sorry To Hear That
      September 29, 2013 at 10:56 am

      You will meet that man that you deserve to be loved as we all deserve. As painful as it is he did you a favour for revealing who he really is…Not that you deserved or needed that sort of thing for what he did was wrong on so many levels. Remember that when this happens we are guided one step closer to our true love. I am a man by the way & being hurt is never nice especially when you have your heart on your sleeve & are in love & believe they love you…NEVER EVER TAKE HIM BACK OR COMMUNICATE WITH HIM AGAIN.


    2. l
      September 29, 2013 at 1:35 pm

      Sounds like you had a run in with my current… ahh?…. Boyfriend? If you can call him that. Screw this guy. You’re worth more than that. My turn to get out, because I deserve more too.

      Enough of the broken, you deserve the whole.


    3. update
      April 9, 2015 at 6:21 am

      I can’t believe I let it continue for another year and a half. I tried everything. I discovered along the way there was no amount of abusive garbage he could throw at me that I couldnt forgive. At last, I finally found a spark of who I once was and broke my foot off in his ass in such a way that HE will never forgive me. I’m free but I no longer recognize the woman in the mirror. I can’t believe at one point I was actually homeless because friends and roommates could no longer watch. I survived the car chases down busy city streets whenever I had the misfortune to be seen by him while driving, I survived the threats, but I’d fail everytime he cried. Its normal for a normal person to reach out to someone who’s crying… but monsters like him, manipulate normal people like me that way.
      Every time he cried that I never loved him, I got dragged back into it. As much as he hurt me, as bad as it got, I could never fail to defend just how much I did love him. I tried, I wanted to. I just couldnt allow him or anyone belittle just how much and how sincerely I had loved him. Even at my worst when I could no longer find the strength to defend my morals, my actions, or my self… I refused to allow him to take a shit on how I had felt. I endured all of it, a river of tears, over a hundred lonely weekends, I did all because of how I felt. In the end, its all i had left, was the memory, the lingering bittersweet sensation of being so much in love, so I fought back with a vengeance when he said it never existed. That i never loved him. It was the worst slap in the face, just when I thought I endured every possible hardship one person could inflict on another, he pulled that out of his hat. When bad shit happens, people look for meaning in it. And when its really bad shit, I think we all wonder if its possible to survive it, start to wonder if there is a “GOD” or higher power. How could this happen? Why did this happen?

      I just wanted to have that wonderful memory of feeling like that. I wanted to believe in love. I wanted to believe that my heart still worked. I wanted to keep that tiny ember of love alive, so I could remember its possible.
      I have a better job now, a nicer car and I’m rebuilding my life. I just wish he hadn’t forced me to stomp out the last trace of love I still had for him before he went. I was fighting for my life, another year of this wouldve killed me, I have no doubts of that. I did what had to be done. Now I feel every bit as cold as the Ice princess he accused me of being. I meet gorgeous men and I laugh, I enjoy the company, but there’s no spark. I feel dead inside, my heart has been broken. If I never fall in love again, I’ll accept it as blessing from “GOD”, a sign I am already loved by a higher power and I’m just being spared another hellish heartbreak. A sign God loves me and knows me so completely that he/she knows I just couldn’t survive going through this again. I had stupidly asked the universe to bring me someone to fall in love with about the time I met him too. My mistake. I knew then it was…. but I just wanted to be in love….


      So let me re-phrase, if its not gonna be a two-way street, if he’s not gonna love me every bit as much as love him, than I’ll take a pass on it next time, sound like a deal, god? yeah, another tendency of people at the lowest point, their breaking point. make a pact with god, awesome.fml its gotta get better right



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