Dreams are a way of solving things in our sleep. So why did i dream of being safely ensconced in your arms last night? I remember my sigh of content, before “waking up” to find you holding me, then running away. I remember a bedroom made up of glass doors, and i kept trying to lock you out but there was always one door that i missed. We’ve been friends for almost two years now, and you’re one of the best guys i know. I like how we drove the other day to grab you fast food (for the second time, might i add, but you’re still so skinny you bastard), and you told me about the stupid words you hate and i just started laughing. Mostly because you were SO passionate about it that the hilarity of the situation caught me off guard. Then you started laughing. Two crazy kids laughing about absolutely nothing in front of the wendy’s order window.
that was last night. The same night i dreamt about you holding me, and not being able to shut you out.
You were the one guy i told myself I couldn’t have, and now…I’m going to sit back. Because you weren’t the same after your ex left, and if i mess up your happiness with your new girlfriend now, i’ll hate myself even more than i will when i don’t tell you this.
But i’m okay with that. To quote my favorite song, i’d rather burn than fall.
And there’s still that tiny, beautiful, ridiculous, tender, obnoxiously stupid part of me that’s starting to whisper “Well maybe he’ll love you back one day…”
If only I were so lucky.