It’s been a while since I wrote you a letter on here, I am still TRYING to make this stupidity that has taken over my brain when it comes to us shut up permanently. The last few weeks have been easy because of ongoing circumstances that have given me a vacation of sorts & I’ve not seen you. Plus you went back in to your protective shell for whatever reason. Ugh. That is all, just ugh. Ugh _should_ be an emotion because you make me feel it all the time!
I _know_ I matter to you, I _know_ you care about me, you know the same is true about me for you. But just ugh! THIS IS DIFFICULT!! I DON’T LIKE DIFFICULT!!
I know you know what I’m doing & I know you know why. But I still care about you! More than anyone else in my life besides my parents or kids! And guess what that makes you? SPECIAL. But while you are special, I don’t think that and my feelings are ever going to be enough. You frustrate me so much I can’t even explain. But, well, I guess yes I can. It’s because I care.
I thought I was the extremist when it came to “proceed with caution”…holy heck you are way worse!! We aren’t ever going to get anywhere like this!! EVER!! Which is why I feel like I have to make you go away! For the first time ever I have found someone who I want to be with. Not someone who I just wound up with because it was comfortable. And, well, it just doesn’t look like it’s going to happen and I am not going to get hurt. How long have we been building up to this now?! Guess what? It’s here, it’s real, it’s not going away.
So I am asking you, please stop being afraid. I am not afraid anymore. Let’s just do this stupid thing. It doesn’t matter how stressful other situations are right now, how little free time we have, none of it matters, those are trivial things. I have not a doubt in my mind that we going to make it. But, not until we try!
Every time it looks like we are, some stupid crap happens, texts misunderstood, I get upset, you take something wrong, I take something wrong, blah blah blah blah. Yeah, it fixed, or whatever but one of these times we aren’t going to! You know I am at that point now. We BOTH are going to lose and lose big time if we don’t get it together! How old are you? How old am I? Seriously. We both have been waiting on this for years. There have never been two other people in this world who were so obviously made for each other than you & I are! So, just, UGH!!!
DO SOMETHING!! AND YES I AM YELLING DARN IT. DO SOMETHING. I DID. NOW YOU.