• Dear Cockroaches

    by  • September 19, 2013 • To You • 3 Comments

    I’m terribly sorry that we moved into your home. The landlord did not inform us you were here first. I’m sure you’re aware I’ve been the one killing all your children, mothers, fathers, uncles, aunts, so on and so forth. It’s just that you really are disgusting little critters. I’m sorry, but it’s true.

    I wish we could just leave you in peace, but unfortunately we already signed a lease. I noticed the exterminator hasn’t deterred you very much. Again, I’m sorry for the hostility, but can see you’re a very hardy bunch. Good for you.

    Really guys, the one I’d like to exterminate is the landlord, or maybe whoever the filthy pig is who brought you here in the first place, but regardless… Here we are.

    I just ask one thing of you. Please, please, PLEASE don’t crawl on me while I sleep. PLEASE? If I wake up with one of you fuckers on me, I will declare war. I will not sleep another wink. I will buy night vision goggles, sit in the middle of the room and wait for you to emerge. I will kill you all slowly. I will make sure your last moments on this planet will be miserable ones.

    Gee I wish I could actually convey this to you, but alas… You are but a bug. Sigh.

    3 Responses to Dear Cockroaches

    1. T2
      September 19, 2013 at 6:02 pm

      I laughed and laughed at your post. I hope it’s not a real problem for u. I had to deal with that issue growing up, and it was beyond embarrassing.

    2. Author
      September 20, 2013 at 1:54 pm

      I wish this were just a silly letter, but no such luck. I hate them. Hate, hate, HATE them.

      I’m glad you got a chuckle out of it! It is beyond embarrassing, but more than that I wish I could freely walk around my home without fear of running into them, never been afraid of bugs before, but these suckers have me beat. What nasty things, and they HISS! WTH IS THAT???? I’m not a fan of bugs who hiss at me. Nope, not a fan at all.


    3. T2
      September 20, 2013 at 4:59 pm

      I apologize. I really thought u were kidding around. I’ve never heard them hiss before, so you definitely have my sympathies.

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