I’m terribly sorry that we moved into your home. The landlord did not inform us you were here first. I’m sure you’re aware I’ve been the one killing all your children, mothers, fathers, uncles, aunts, so on and so forth. It’s just that you really are disgusting little critters. I’m sorry, but it’s true.
I wish we could just leave you in peace, but unfortunately we already signed a lease. I noticed the exterminator hasn’t deterred you very much. Again, I’m sorry for the hostility, but can see you’re a very hardy bunch. Good for you.
Really guys, the one I’d like to exterminate is the landlord, or maybe whoever the filthy pig is who brought you here in the first place, but regardless… Here we are.
I just ask one thing of you. Please, please, PLEASE don’t crawl on me while I sleep. PLEASE? If I wake up with one of you fuckers on me, I will declare war. I will not sleep another wink. I will buy night vision goggles, sit in the middle of the room and wait for you to emerge. I will kill you all slowly. I will make sure your last moments on this planet will be miserable ones.
Gee I wish I could actually convey this to you, but alas… You are but a bug. Sigh.