Words cannot describe how sorry I am. I have led you down a path of destruction. I pretended living this life was easy and it isn’t.
All I can do now is be honest with you. I thought I was weaker than you all, so I acted stronger. Turns out I was just deeper in the life than you. And I spread the word of this life like it was gospel. A saviour to our insanity.
You don’t need this life. You use it as a crutch. I used it as medicine. Take it from me, that we don’t relate to anybody else does not make us cool. You’ve only seen the beginning; I rode it through till the end. It means that there is something very wrong.
You see me as the leader because I’m prepared for everything, but really I’m just aware of everything. It’s hell. I can’t chill out in the company of other people without drugs. I’m not hard – I’m so on edge that I’m unpredictable. I’m a mess.
But I’m getting better each day, and I swear to God, life is going to be better. If only I could rescue you too. My guilt is unbearable.