• flying fuck

    by  • September 2, 2013 • To You • 4 Comments

    I put off going to the grocery store all damn day. And then it started pouring. I had been thinking of you. The show I went to last night, dragging a girlfriend with me for the “free” ticket. It was your birthday gift. . . but you left me.

    I had fun. I laughed. I drank a Lemon Drop. . . I pushed the pain down.

    And today I worked steady and hard all day. If I thought of you, I pushed it out until around five. I just started crying. Over a commercial I saw with your former bank advertised for a concert.

    Just when I start building strength I crumble. I just told my friend last night what I needed after months of this empty, painful gut wrenching void where you once were was some new love interest. That I thought it was the only thing that could break this for me. . . at least enough to get my mind off of you, us, the depression you faced, the worry, the pain, the what ifs, the constant rejection, the feeling of never being loved, etc.

    I walked out of the grocery store. . .

    And there he was… a casual friend I have known for some time. We talked, laughed for forty minutes in that parking lot before he asked for my number and if I’d go out with him.

    I said yes. He texted me ten minutes later and I have a date with him tomorrow.

    Funny how good that makes me feel. Perhaps it’s the wanting, the small valuing, that I haven’t felt in some time. Perhaps it’s the chemistry I have always had with him I can now explore. Perhaps it means I am going to be able to move on. . . I am so scared once I do, you’ll come back and it will be too late. Perhaps I am glad that although you assume I am at home pining over you and writing love sonnets, I will actually be moving on with my life–without you.

    My fight for you is over. I fought nine rounds too long as it was. You are a damn liar and a fool..and a coward to bat.

    Perhaps our love story was meant to be a tragedy. It seems to be the case so far.

    And perhaps tomorrow wont be a great date or perhaps it will–either way, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is that I’m giving up on you. . . and although it hurts, it means I am facing the fact that it really is over…it’s also a relief. . . you treated me like shit for two years and you never valued me enough to hold onto me.

    You ruin everything beautiful…like crazy, and I am not sure you give a flying fuck or ever did.

    One day I wont give a flying fuck either.

    4 Responses to flying fuck

    1. Bruce Wayne to the rescue !
      September 2, 2013 at 4:58 pm

      Lol.

      You always ragged about him; no less than 50 times.

      I see here the dates here, when you wrote about a chance passing at the grocery story, too afraid to look at him or utter a word. Those match when you told me about the incidents. (I was noting something else, as I didn’t trust your word or what you were doing, too many times.)

      But you failed to explain how ‘ gorgeous’ he was.

      No wonder you were so nervous. : – )~

      Isn’t he like 65 or something?

    2. Oh, and tell the class
      September 2, 2013 at 5:07 pm

      That the whole time you were “loving your boyfriend to the moon and back” or “I love you more’s”….
      that it wasn’t me who was treating you like shit.

      I was “your Rock” .

      I see that too. All I did was to keep your ship steady while you were navigating the rocky coastlines , having an affair with God knows how many.

      I think I better call Dr. Phil. He loves hearing about your type. So don’t assume it’s a collection agency when an out of state number calls you. “Sweetheart” Oh, Phil will LOVE YOU !!!

      You can be a TV star !

    3. Chemistry Set
      September 2, 2013 at 10:51 pm

      You know, you sure have chemistry with a lot of men. It’s highly unusual.

      I’ll spare the explanation.

      Everyone knows, anyway. We all feel like complete and utter fools.
      This is not a natural level such as one misguided by their instrument panel, mis-aligning with homing beacons, shown signs of needing immediate recalibration.
      Just have it checked out so it can be fixed, resuming normal working order.

      This is a serious re evaluation of basic abilities we have trusted to guide us correctly for the better
      parts of our lives. It’s been accurate and true in almost every instance. Most halve a lifetime warranty

      Now you have us considering total overhauls, almost overnight. The schematics for rewiring are immensely complicated. Something has gone seriously wrong, as we’ve nearly crash the aircraft several times now. This is nothing to play around with.

      Step in to ny office,please. (the door slams)

      DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA OF THE WHAT IT COSTS TO REPLACE THESE VALUABLE ITEMS ON LOAN TO TO YOU, I YOUR CARE? MILLIONS OF DOLLARS !!!!! Your arrogant fu**ing HOT DOG !
      You should be GROUNDED FOR LIFE ! Kicked out. You PLAY AROUND WITH THESE THINGS LIKE THEY’RE SOME KIND OF PERSONAL TOYS FOR YOUR OWN PLEASURE. You’re a DISGRACE !
      Now GET OUT OF HERE !!!

      The final report reads:
      “This member of the group is a seriously dangerous person; a Malignant, Sociopathic Narcissist.
      Cancer is less threatening.”

      You’re the human version of the Scud Missile, The German V1 and Japanese Cherry Blossom

      A walking weapon of terror no matter how sleek the earlier designs.
      You should at the very least, have your picture in the Post Office.

      The real one.
      Not that other one of another woman you used for 18 months to lure 4000 people to your Facebook site. .

    4. Will anyone really know you?
      September 3, 2013 at 11:46 am

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