• Why me?

    by  • August 30, 2013 • * Safe for Work *, Fear • 2 Comments

    What did I do?

    Did I do something in a past life?

    Was it because of that anthill I stepped on?

    What did I fucking do?

    Am I just unlucky?

    I’ll try so hard I swear

    Just please make it go away.

    I’m so happy it shrank

    I’m very greatful, so so greatful

    But please just make it go away completely

    Please please please please

    I thought I was a strong person

    But I’m not.

    I can’t sleep

    I can’t not think about it

    I can’t lie on my back

    I can’t look at the scar on the back of my head

    Please whoever’s there I’ll swim every ocean

    I’m so scared

    I just wanted to be happy.

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    2 Responses to Why me?

    1. Very moving indeed
      August 30, 2013 at 9:47 am

      I have asked myself the same question.

      It’s the past life thing; something I know very little about.

      Except for the fact I have been sent ‘back’ by trained experts. Things I had an affinity for naturally as a youngster, began to make sense.

      Yeah, all we ever needed was to feel loved. Imagine what the world would look like today, if this most
      basic need was drilled into every parents head; every childs head. That the child, not knowing yet that this
      is what they needed most, couldn’t find a ‘workaround.’ OK, maybe I’m not loved that much, maybe they don’t show it in a way I, the six year old can understand; maybe they are showing their love in the way they learned from my Grandpa & Grandma.

      Maybe I as a 13 year old, will have to find *something* to love. Not someone, but something. A passion, a dream, a goal. Something BIG. Maybe I could be another Johnny Unitas. He was drafted in the 15th (?) round but his guts and perseverance brought hm to the top.

      Maybe I could be a Johnny Miller? Naw, I didn’t like his swing. (But he was nice enough to write me personally when I wrote him about my invention. I thought that was cool) I didn’t have a ‘model’ in mind, but I knew I wanted to do what I loved for a living. But it wasn’t to be.

      Maybe I could be a star in business. Oh, Jesus. Did I work hard. Just like I always had.
      Sun up to sun down. Just like all the other goals. A few well placed compliments from those I played for, or those I worked for, gave me the drive when things looked tough. They never left me.

      And lo and behold, one day I realized “You have the ability to make $100,000 !” And so I did. Twice that.

      But you know what? Way beneath all this manly need to succeed, was a need for love. None of them ever
      truly understood. I was doing it for THEM !

      I just wanted to share.

      “The lesson learned, is no concern
      If you don’t even know me
      To need love is all
      I really learned from you”



    2. Why Any Of Us
      August 30, 2013 at 10:17 am

      Why Not



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