I feel sick i want to throw up i want to cry I want to scream and get it out of my system… I cant even listen to a song (light my fire by the doors) without being reminded of you and what you have done to me tonight it came on a radio station I was listening on my fone..
I immediately recognised it, I felt that sick feeling in my stomach start again.. that same feeling i came to know so well when ever i was reminded of you in the past my head started replaying what you did to me that night when I was 12 then anger set in along with the sickness I want to throw up I need to get this out my system tonight i cant express it any other way i have company here and i would look like a complete loon because i wont tell anyone what you did i am to ashamed and i dobt want people to look at me with that “look” i used to hate.
I hate you for what you did to me and if I ever saw you now I would slit your throat in the street and let u bleed out.
I have thought about what I would like to do to you one other option is to burry you up to you neck with your hands tied in a special way around your neck with a razor blade fitted onto the front so ever time u went to move your hands and struggle u would slice your own throat slowly eventually you would bleed to death.
I was 12 years old id already had a shit life with my dad kicking the shit out of my mum having to run and hide because I was so scared having your mum crawl out to the garden and scream for help because my dad had stamped on her back so much with his work boots on she couldnt walk telling you to go and hide incase he came back drunk again. Then my dad left and my mum started to drink I got taken into care and lived in loads of foster homes and childrens homes each as shitty as the last then I finally got to go back and live with my mum a few months later she hits the drink and starts mixing with her drunk alcoholic friends again and YOU were one of them your partner was friends with my mum and I used to get dragged around with her everywhere to all her drunk friends houses the social didnt give a shit that night we went round to that house you was staying at and we knocked the door and you opened it drunk crying saying your girlfriend was dead she had hemeraged in bed and they had taken her off an hour earlier I got dragged upstairs to see the mattress she had died on on the floor covered in blood I was crying and was upset she was lovely even though she was an alcoholic my mum and her bf comforted you and told you that you couldnt stay there the night so come back to our house. I WISH I HAD SAID NO RIGHT THERE!! yes you said we went back all the time in the back of the taxi your head was resting on my shoulder I just thoight it was cause u was upset and in shock my mum was half drunk on special brew and so wad her boyfriend they didnt take any notice..SHE never did..when we got back in my mums lodger was still awake we told him the news and my mum brought some more drinks into the living room you all sat there and got drunk MY MUM told you that you could sleep im MY DOUBLE bed for the night WITH ME!! I dont know what kind of mother would even allow that you were 43 years old fair enough your girlfriend had just died but I was HER CHILD!! we all still sat drinking downstairs the lodger pulled out some weed from his pocket and made a joint. It was the first time id ever had any..I smoked normal cigs before but never weed the joint was oassed round my mum and her alcoholic boyfriend were already practically pissed out there heads and nearly asleep still they smoked some then it was handed to me by YOU and I had a couple of drags and passed it back.. after about 5 minutes I didnt feel right so I said I was going up to bed I felt dizzy and spaced out.. I got into my bed and I must have hit the pillow and fell straight to sleep..and then thats when I woke up with you in bed with me I was still a bit spaced out and I had had a couple of cans of beer earlier too so I wasnt feeling normal I was also still half asleep.. YOU FUCKING RAPED ME THAT NIGHT YOU PUT YOUR HAND OVER MY MOUTH AND RAPED ME! I WAS 12 YEARS OLD !! No I wasnt a virgin and your wife had just died you was jn shock stoned and pissed but that dont make it any better it doesnt change the fact that you raped me in my own bed I fucking hate you I even went and told my mum and she didnt care she was too drunk at 7am to evem realise what her name was it makes me sick to think my mum allowed someone of that age in my bed I was a child. What kind of mother leaves a man in his 40s sleep in bed with her child ? She is just as much to blame as you are but I dont hate my mum for it she was an alcoholic and was too drunk to give a damn about me and all she cared about was drinking. But YOU you knew exactly what you were doing didnt you. Yes you was drunk and stoned and you wife had died but you still fucking raped me. I learnt to deal with it over the years but tonight I have had to relive what happend that night because of that fucking song you used to play all the time whenever we went to see you. It makes me sick when I hear it Nd thankfully I havent heard it in quite some time but tonight was a painful reminder it makes me angry but more sick than angry I hate you I hope you die a painful slow death because if I see you believe me you will.