• Wholeheartedly

    by  • August 29, 2013 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 14 Comments

    The only thing I know for sure is that you are not good for me. I will do whatever it takes to think of myself first and pull myself out of this. Before I can heal I must forgive you. Before I can forgive you I need to forgive myself. Before I can forgive myself I need to understand this dysfunction. I need to change the only thing I have control over. Myself.
    Not receiving any “parting words” from you today was the clincher. You take me for granted. And up til now I let you. I have always let you. That will not happen again. Perhaps you will regret what on the surface seems to be such a small thing. But that small thing meant something to me, and my feelings do matter. They just do not matter to you. And one day soon I will be at peace with that and become indifferent to you.

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    14 Responses to Wholeheartedly

    1. LVP
      August 29, 2013 at 2:34 pm

      Holy cow I think reading your letter is what’s going to make me stop reading this site now. I suddenly feel HORRIBLE about myself.

      “My person” & I…I am forever having to tell him to think of himself first, to put himself first for once. Since you said that about yourself that means that you are one of those rare, truly amazing individuals like he is. And you probably get hurt quite a bit, when you are the last one who deserves it.

      I did the whole “no parting words” to him last night actually. And the worse part is that I don’t want to have to act this way because he is someone I love. I think I’ve fallen in love with him actually. It has to be, because these are brand new emotions and feelings for me.

      My actions have absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I don’t think his feelings matter or that I don’t care about him, he means way more to me than he should & I am upset at myself for letting these type of feelings develop, because we can’t & aren’t going to be together, and that is what I want more than anything. And it’s not because one of us is married or in a relationship or anything else. It’s because of the circumstance in which life decided to bring us into each other’s life. And I am behaving like what I am sure he thinks is a real jerk who takes him and his feelings for granted because I have to start shutting my feelings down..although it’s not what I want to do at all.

      Do NOT give up on your person. There are so many different situations and things that can effect people…it probably isn’t that they don’t care at all. Sit down & TALK to him/her. There may be more going on than meets the eye. Communication is key…

      Good luck!

      D
      (And no I am not that whacko beloveD/David. I’m a woman whose name starts with D lol




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    2. author
      August 30, 2013 at 6:20 am

      @LVP – hahaha (about the D). Thank you very much for your words of kindness. We communicate. Our situation is just impossible.




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    3. @D
      August 30, 2013 at 9:59 am

      Thank you for being YOU, and for the record I’m far from wacko! All you had to say was your female! And when a person tricks you on this site and say exactly what you know they bite at then….FUCK YOU, listen to yourself too….all high and mighty so ……whatever. Time frame is right again. And the finish line… TO emphasise me over and over is quite funny for it may be her wacko self…Not that I care anymore for I’m over being played at. & women wonder why men too get upset. SO once more FUCK OFF CUNT!!!

      I never use the “C” word so you know how I feel! Never ever.




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    4. author to DAVID
      August 30, 2013 at 12:58 pm

      Hey David – accept some responsibility here. So far you have accused or written love letters to the following people:

      myself
      female D
      T2
      a lesbian
      a house wife
      Bridge/Brit = Brittany (?)
      AND A DUDE

      You leave all these things on other peoples’ letters to the point that others have to say that they are not you. I personally have told you over and over that you are making yourself crazy and delusional and you should just stay away from online. In the past WEEK alone I have seen at least 3 people tell you they are not your person. You inflict this on yourself. You say someone wrote the first few letters of your last name somewhere….I’m sure that could apply to many people. You have insisted I was her by vague shit at best. Knock it off and you won’t have the issues in regard to this site.




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    5. D
      August 30, 2013 at 7:04 pm

      @author … you are welcome. While I’m sorry that you are hurting, I have to tell you thank you for writing it. While I don’t like the word “impossible”, I completely understand. He (as in “my person”) & I communicate as well. A whole heck of a lot actually, yet it feels “impossible” to me that he & I will never be able to be together, because of work. So, unless you are in relationships, married, or work together in a job that would really test your relationship, don’t say impossible.

      And @David I am NOT your person, thank God, You actually hijacked a response I made on another letter, flipping out on me then thinking I was your person regardless of how many times I told you I wasn’t. I am an almost 36 year old woman who lives in Missouri, & unless you are a 40 year old man from Kansas, we have nothing in common. I do not pretend to be “high and mighty”, although I am a pretty amazing woman which I am sure is why you point out every trait I have that reminds you of her! I also am not afraid to call a spade a spade…& well, buddy…Look at the way you just behaved.




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    6. @author
      August 31, 2013 at 12:19 pm

      Yes you are all right & I am sorry. It is hard when she is here I kid you not even from last year when we were together…funny that.

      She spoke on here but not to me:( Her thoughts out loud. It even said my name on my bday. And to top it off yes she is as somehow Brittany has use and referred to my last name!!! How is that possible when I have never said it on here. tell me that. And yes she has sent many letters plus I sent some letters that got exactly the response from her. She was Bridge as their were two bridges, M, J, Brittany, Stranger, Brie maybe etc….Do you know what that does to a man. Well we can see the results. I shouldn’t be playing this game. And why would she be one here for over a year. I’d say a lot longer by the sound of it:( I never was like this and only because by chance I was reaching out.

      I am truly sorry to offend any there are no excuse for my inappropriate actions. I will say I have noticed there are lots of negative comments, long too mind you that are most definitely not me as I’m not writing any negative comments now and haven’t been for a while so….???and I have been weening myself off here. I hope it is sooner than later. I wrote her a letter today as she actually asked. She wrote Jezebel’s. She even said it in a comment:( Do you see why I get even more confused? I am being dead serious.




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    7. @D
      August 31, 2013 at 12:36 pm

      To you D I am truly sorry for I never use that word & yes you are ever so right. It was hard as she was so closed off emotionally. I have been in long term loving relationships and this one….Was so different yet yes they did use part of my last name plus what I had said about them in one bit so no I’m not delusional. I’d even make a bet with admin if you want and I know I would be right & if I am wrong then ban me for I will happily agree to it. It is so sad to see someone you love is one here for over a year maybe way more. I never understood why she didn’t talk to me openly. I do now. I will always live her as I don’t wish to be bitter or anything negative. I have waited and not gone and “found” another woman as that is how men get over women pretty much instantaneously. True and sad. Maybe I shouldn’t have waited so long as that’s what’s driving me stir crazy. LOL. Good day to you all & I can only say sorry one more time as it loses it value as actions do speak louder than words.




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    8. Student Observer
      August 31, 2013 at 4:45 pm

      The quality of the analysis here is simply overwhelming.

      I am delighted to join your group.

      David, I will talk to you. My office door is always open.




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    9. Native Tongue
      August 31, 2013 at 5:19 pm

      “Don’t believe anything you read on a blog” ~William Bradford, founder of Plymouth Colony, MA

      “Ugg. Smoke Signal ” ~ Running Bull, son of Sitting Bull, who begat Fulla Bull

      “Hey David – accept some responsibility here. So far you have accused or written love letters to the following people:
      myself
      female D
      T2
      a lesbian
      a house wife
      Bridge/Brit = Brittany (?)
      AND A DUDE

      Lets play Pin The Tail On The Bull ! Who knows…..the real name….of …Female D !!!????
      COME ON DOWN !!!!!!!!!!




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    10. author
      September 1, 2013 at 12:40 pm

      @Native Tongue: Who cares? That is for them to want to put forth. This site is supposed to be anonymous. Lately it’s just turned into a big game of mindfuckery between a few people who probably don’t even know one another. And if they do (know one another), it’s not supposed to be a communication site for people who can e-mail or speak on the phone anyway!

      WACKOS: Here’s some tips……get enough sleep, stay off of street drugs, don’t regularly drink to excess, get on the proper prescribed meds, stop obsessing, stop assuming, stop playing kiddie detective, stop blaming, accept responsibility for your part, go no contact with the person who you claim hurt you, and you’ll be that much closer to healing your pain. Imagine that??? *GASP* using logic!




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    11. @author
      September 1, 2013 at 1:37 pm

      WOW now who’s been judgemental, all high and mighty because they sound like they are hurt. Like everyone else here? Here have a tissue. I’m over them. *GASP* Hey it’s all ok I’ve got plenty of tissues for all of you as I don’t need them now. It’s the best feeling when you let it go & realise YES everything I said about them was true. I clouded my own judgement because I was under the false pretense of believing in love with whoever they once were or more likely always were & they couldn’t keep up the false pretense. which is life. Some things aren’t meant to be & luckily it was so much sooner than later as it was the longest rollercoaster I’ve ever been on. .




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    12. D
      September 1, 2013 at 3:45 pm

      @ Native Tongue …. I know my real name. Does that count? Haha. I don’t really understand the point you were trying to make by the comments you made?




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    13. author
      September 2, 2013 at 5:07 pm

      @@author – Uh, ever heard of irritation? I would have to care in order for you to have the power to hurt me. And if you are over “them” then you wouldn’t feel the need to post the same shit, different day obsessively. Now…….don’t go away mad! Just go away ;o)




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    14. Daphene
      November 1, 2013 at 1:42 am

      To everyone who commented on this letter. I am also LVP (Lucy Van Pelt-Peanuts) and my real name is Daphene. There y’all can know now. And I have a pretty interesting story….”my person” had been here the entire time…and you guys will not guess who it is…*hint hint*!

      He called me the C word OMG lol I can’t believe the irony of the fact that it was him!! He’s not crazy. I have to apologize. He’s the love of my life lol … All these months later. I’m still in shock. Watching everyone on these sites is apparently Voyeuristic …I never thought about it that way. But it’s right!

      And hey Pat … I’m on the phone with you right now while typing this. I love you. And your face. And the sound of your voice. And everything else about you.
      xoxoxo




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