• For “you”

    by  • August 29, 2013 • To You • 0 Comments

    I’m only back here because of you. Because you remind me of being in love.
    And because he came over tonight. I cooked him vegetables and he talked about his new girl. And I was ok with it but not really. When I dropped him off he joked and called me his stoner little sister and tried to think of people I could fuck. But it wasn’t that funny and I cried for the first time in ages as I drove back to my house.
    And I just feel dumb.
    He had to go mental and use up all my strength for himself. And you had to piss on my memory so you could fix you and your woman.
    And I’m glad you are all winning now because I’m stupid and gladly paid for it.
    Fucking embarrassed. Anyone could have seen what was going to happen. Even me. But I really saw what a cunt you are when we met, and you were gently touching my hands and I kissed your cheek. I saw you laugh, like you’d won. Just an ego. I spat you out and fucked like a fish cos you didn’t deserve anything better.
    I’m sick of this shit, of being disappointed in people.
    I still believe in romantic love though. I’m just old enough now to realise it is rare. I can’t settle for common companionship and breeding…like you
    And if I calm down I guess this letter isnt really to you at all, because you don’t exist. You are just all the good bits I remember mushed together. But it’s to you because you showed me how cathartic it feels to unfuck your head by getting all the crazy shit and putting it all on a stupid website, pretending that you’ll read it and knowing that you wont.
    And I do feel much better now.

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