• A dying dream.

    by  • August 27, 2013 • * Safe for Work *, Thoughts • 7 Comments

    There are few things sadder, but this is my ailment at the moment. The reason I never put myself out there or invest myself in other people is because I hate this feeling of disappointment in myself and in the loss of who/whatever I wanted.

    I made this dream a project. I put so much research and time into it that I lost myself in it, in the perfect comeback that it would become. Someone I had seen as an adversary saw how motivated I was, and told me that she would do whatever it took to make it a reality. She wasn’t the one to fail me.

    Sometimes you can have everyone and everything on your side, yet one tiny mistake can bring your half-constructed house of cards down faster than you can say “But i’ve tried so hard.”

    Because its the people who don’t put as much into it as you. That don’t give the 110% percent and blame it on being “too much work” and “too time consuming”. They’re the ones that you need to keep away from your hopes, because they won’t be beside you to help clean up the shattered glass of your dream; they’ll be the ones who knocked it from the pedestal to begin with.

    But that’s life, isn’t it. People throw you down and you have to get back up again. Pretend that it didn’t affect you. That you’re just as strong if not stronger than the day they first saw you, the day you because a subconscious target in their eyes. The perfect person to take the fall once they wreak their havoc. The one who will be constantly questioning “What did I do?” or “How could I have done better” instead of looking for the real culprit.

    So here I am. Clinging to a broken toy that I can’t fix because it was doomed from the start, and I was just too naive to see it. I’ll look down at it and say “Next time I’ll be smarter, next time I’ll know the signs.”

    The truth?
    It’s a lie.
    And i’ll keep telling myself those eleven words until the next broken thing comes along.

    Because maybe one day, i’ll finally fix it, and it will be worth all the heartbreak i’ve suffered for all the other broken things i’ve lost.

    And that…that is my dying dream.

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    7 Responses to A dying dream.

    1. Daphene
      August 27, 2013 at 1:33 am

      Since I refuse to care enough about my own crap to cry, this is about to bring it on. I’m sorry that whoever has done what ever they have done to you. It’ll get better. *hugs*


    2. You Need Medical Help
      August 27, 2013 at 8:07 am

      That is one of the most twistedselfish things I have ever heard. Why would you do that so someone will worship you once you have broken them so badly that they may get a permanent disorder or disease from the distress you do to them. I had this done! “FIX”, get help, attention…I am:) yourself first love others and make them blosum not that. I feel for you & am sorry you are so hurt from something. Do not go out and fix another before you re-align yourself:(


    3. Author
      August 28, 2013 at 7:03 pm

      I’m not talking about a person in this, I literally had a project I was working on. I consider myself one of the least twisted people ever, so i apologize if you think that.


    4. T2
      September 2, 2013 at 11:51 am

      Instead of viewing it as a dying dream, see it as blueprints for the Big Project. Sometimes your blueprints have to be readjusted, but that’s part of the process. When it’s finished you won’t see those set backs as failures but as necessary steps in accomplishing a goal. I think the real challenge to happiness or success is staying motivated.


    5. @T2
      September 3, 2013 at 4:54 am

      The key to happiness aside from loving yourself, is to surround yourself with positive people who breed positivity. No matter how much motivation you have if you haven’t got “real” friends then you’ll be lonely. Humans need interaction.


    6. Holy Cow ! ; -)
      September 3, 2013 at 1:44 pm

      “I have ever heard. Why would you do that so someone will worship you once you have broken them so badly that they may get a permanent disorder or disease from the distress you do to them.”

      YOU just hit a big one. I’m not kidding. I think she enjoys this; she pre-meditatively sets out to do this.
      Or, let me be more accurate. Decides to do this when
      1. She fu*ks a new guy and plans on ending the deal, but she can’t because the attention fuels her selfish needs.
      2. She feels wronged in her twisted mind, and then justifies that “He deserves punishment” so she slowly jacks with him, all the while claiming she loves him “SO much”
      3. and you can complete the other possible scenarios. She’s not worth my time…

      This one I knew, used to complain to all her friends about her long distance boyfriends. Put them down, probably because she was ‘doing’ a guy or two, maybe 3 on the side..so it was only a matter of time till they dumped her. Everu man has dumped her.

      Using this technique allows her to ‘save face’ with those she is closest with, to keep up this image.
      Be able to still wear that mask of “I’m so desirable” Why? So she can always play the victim.
      She also uses this as a diversion to switch the blame; it’s very clever. She’s 15 steps ahead of us…
      except for me. I see the cunning game; i see the human Succubus. Took me awhile, though.

      The camouflage used is top of the line. EVERYONE will be fooled….for awhile.

      Lol. She had a dude one from ______and after it is ended, one of her ‘puppy dogs’ says
      “How could any man cheat on you?”

      Now HOW would she ever know?

      You with me? Very astute observation, my friend.
      LMAO. The guy was 600+ miles away ! Seriously, how would she ever know? Answer? It’s a fu*king game !
      I saw his response, a simple “Huh?”

      *****But the FUNNY thing is, she always un friends them, THEN takes them back once she has a new guy. I find that alone, worthy of needing Medical Help !

      “Just sayin’ “


    7. T2
      September 3, 2013 at 4:50 pm

      @ @T2: I agree with you. We do need positive people, but what would you suggest to someone in those moments when the support isn’t there?



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