I can’t shake the feeling that you are “it” for me. And I’m scared because I don’t know what’s going to happen, while I think I can tell how you feel I am not 100% sure,and it’s terrifying to think you really might not feel the same. There, now I’ve said it. And I don’t know what to do.
You make me happy like I have not been in a very long time. I look forward to seeing you every day; the sight of you makes my stomach do those little flippity flop things, my ears burn, and I suddenly feel like a little girl with her first crush.
Every time I said I was joking about being jealous of something, I wasn’t really kidding. Every time I told you I had no interest in who/what you did outside of our working relationship I was lying. Every time I’ve said I didn’t care couldn’t be further than the truth. And the other day when I said you weren’t worth it, my eyes teared up because of how I really feel about you. You are the most amazing man I have ever met in my life..that part…is true.
My feelings for you are real, & they are spiraling out of control. The true answer of what I am doing & why opposed to your hypothesis the other day is that I’m so scared it has caused me to start putting the walls back up & open my bag of defense mechanisms, AKA pushing you away & trying to make myself see everything about you as negatively as I can so that I don’t wind up hurt. It has nothing to do with work as you thought. It’s because of my real feelings for you.
I know you have your issues, I know I have mine, but I also know our issues blend well together & there is something there that can’t be denied. I know you feel it too.
I really need you to talk to me. Rejection isn’t even a possibility. I’m pretty sure the only reason why you haven’t tried to initiate the conversation is because of all the “I don’t cares” I’ve thrown at you making you think I really don’t.
I have honestly tried so many times & all that happens is I flake out & start trying to find something to be mad at you about so it will just go away. It does’t. And there you are every time doing some little thing showing me that you care what is wrong.
If I let myself think about it, I can see a life with you. A little Star Wars baby & all. We are wasting so much time not being together when we could be together & HAPPY…we aren’t getting any younger, we don’t have all the time in the world left…but we’ve finally found each other. So help me start figuring this & us out. Please.