• Wondering…..

    by  • August 25, 2013 • * Safe for Work *, Thinking of you • 0 Comments

    We both moved on a long, long time ago. I did what I needed to do and I know you hated me for it. And I have to admit that I hated you too, for being a coward, for lying to me and most of all for forcing me into a place where I had no choice but to hurt not only you but other people who had done nothing wrong. But it was what it was, I did what I did and you made your choice. I am tough on the inside so I went on, and I know you did too. I have a good life, a decent man (not perfect but he loves me and he is my best friend) So why after not thinking about you in decades are you all the sudden on my mind? I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to call you and even if I did I wouldn’t. So what the heck? I hope you are okay. I hope that you found happiness and I hope you have no regrets about the choices that we made so many years ago. If I were going to be absolutely honest, I would have to tell you that I do regret a few things. I regret being rational and not saying yes when you asked me to marry you that day at Lake Tahoe. Well it probably would have been a huge mistake because your parents were just a little too important to you and I knew that they would never, ever forgive you. So I know I made the right choice for both of us but I can’t help but wonder what if I had said yes. Would you have manned up and gone through with it? Or did you know that I would never agree. I really regret not having our baby. Biggest mistake I ever made in my life and I have made a few for sure. That’s a choice that can never be unmade. But I really don’t want to relive the past. And I am not foolish enough to believe that we could ever be. I just with I could figure out why after all this time I keep thinking about you. I forgave you (and myself) so many years ago. If you are ever in trouble I hope you know that you will always have a friend who would be there for you if she could. Because no matter how it turned out in the end what we had was oh so real. So take good care big guy. I hope maybe you think about me every so often too.

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