Good morning she who aroused my interest,
More than made me think & still I am at a loss for I could be still a fool for thinking you were talking to me. You do have a way with words do you know that from this man who doesn’t know you? Wouldn’t that be funny 7 degrees of separation of all things. I don’t believe so but funnier things have happened. I don’t know, I really don’t yet here I am writing to you thinking what am I doing or why am I taking this for this maybe something the opposite I believe it to be. If I am one to be duped then the joke is surely in me & I won’t even be upset as life has been a unusual one to say the least this year & it’s been a year of much emotional hardship & not much could make it worse….other than jail or death which I haven’t done anything to be going there yet…I hope not lol! So I really hope this is not some trick/game that is being played on me, or is it just me once more? I wish to believe? I want to believe?
I’ve never been like this my entire life for the record & have had a great life up until I learnt how to vent the loss of someone I loved. It has been quite an experience. I’m not sure I would do again…using the internet & I hope for my sake & yours, every other soul that I learn to calm myself & accept things for what they really are. Not even past loves have I been affected so.
Anyhow I send this as a “pre-email” to what you wish for my to explain in detail? As are you talking to me? or am I really the man who has gone crazy in love. This would only confirm it unequivocally. She is here mind you, I know not if she wants me…highly unlikely the more I look at it, or is she purposely tormenting me? to make herself feel better. I hope not, I really do as I believed in her completely even after all the mixed emotions and messages. It was a crazy time & yes I played my part but never had I been in such a relationship like that. EVER:)
Please forgive my ignorance, stupidity or false hope in faith of maybe….if this isn’t for me. If it isn’t I will try, no I will as I always was a man of my word & honour for my integrity has been stung lately which I have allowed it to become so & that is my fault too…I WILL leave your site permanently I swear on my father’s dearly departed soul! That is the truth as I will not disgrace my father or take his name in vein. I have only great memories of him & will not tarnish them for anyone. That is one promise that shall never be broken. Never.
So as a sign of remorse & I do need to acting in a more adult like manner, even being humble for all it’s worth as I am sorry, I don’t know how to express this enough or whether you care or believe it, I just don’t know these days whether to trust my own gut feelings where once I would never question it & was always right the majority of the time. I would be upset if this were my business as this is your lively hood & passion & maybe even your creation which would make me feel even worse again for then it is personal for it would be your baby-creation? I would deserve what I got then for that is just plain rude to do that to anyone. Even a website.
I didn’t know what a “TROLL” was before & I don”t need another label which I have rightly earned, The Hulk was green & he was cool:) but a Troll it is for the moment.. which is disappointing to say the least. Disgusted I am for who wouldn’t be ashamed for what I’ve said. YES it has helped vent but only added to my confusion. Never have I said such things about anyone, no one ever. What have I become, what I never thought I would be. I won’t even say there ATM.
Either way may you, or can you if you wish to for I cannot ask anything of someone who I have wronged(trust has to be earned) as for a man who believes himself to be ‘old school’ I was always proud of the fact I held close one trait. RESPECT for myself & others & being like this has fortunately given me a life many have never lived. We only get one life so thus me reaching out shitting myself, thinking don’t do it, yet here I am as I’ve always chased my dreams as if we don’t life would be full of regrets?
On my final note, I will explain all and more if it is you that is speaking to me? One can only pray. Have a great day & I mean this, whoever you are I hope your life is going great & that you too have found all the happiness you sought & deserved as we all deserve to love & be loved unconditionally by another. This man is just an old school romantic poet who’s heart is quite open so is easily taken advantage of when he has given his heart to them whether a friend, family or partner. I won’t change or become bitter as some, sad ATM yes yet to me LOVE is the best feeling & all that it entails( a family one day when I am the man I wish to be again). One of substance & awareness.
Once more thank you. Be good or good at it & always be good to your mother.