It’s been five months, 25 days, and counting since I last saw your face, since we spoke. I miss you more and more each day. Never have I hated myself more than I do now; for letting you slip from my grasp, but I was so hurt by the situation, I needed to take a step back. I had put SO much time and energy into trying to be there for you, that I was taking away from my family. I was so in love with the person I thought you were, that I was blinded.. You used to tell me that it was that bright 6-sided star, and the charm that came with it that was blinding me. You warned me over and over, but I wouldn’t listen. There was just that something about you. And I have yet to get it out of my mind.
I still remember the way you would get, if I didn’t answer your text or FB message right away.. You would TOTALLY flip and think that I was upset with you. In the beginning, I was never upset with you. You never did anything to offend me, if anything, everything that you did was to defend me. Be it as it may, she came into your life, a little more than I had anticipated. You were in a dark place, and I was tied up. Still am. But I wanted, so badly, to be there for you. All I ever wanted was to be your friend, the very best friend that you needed, but she took that from me.
I still dream about the night you hung-out with me and the kids (and every other time we spent together). I’ll never forget… We were playing with the kids, you had shot at me with a nerf gun, the oldest got you in the stomach and when I got you in the forehead, you yelled “Nice shot baby” and those words still haunt me. When I picked you up before I went to see my sister, you called me “Pretty Girl” just like one of my favorite T.V. shows of the past. And you used to watch it too. Your touch (as delicate and as innocent as it was) left foot prints in my mind. Going to the movies, the way you would hide my face, was the sweetest thing any man ever did.
Then as suddenly as it happened, it all started to fade away. I wanted to try and be her friend, it wasn’t that I didn’t like her, I didn’t trust her. She seemed shady and I don’t trust other females very easily. I never meant to antagonize her, she was never meant to read what I wrote, but I can’t take it back. I was only being honest. All I wanted was time with you.
It’s been five months and 25 days… I’ve tried to move on, I’ve tried to let go, I’ve tried to let others in, yet no one measures up to you. I miss the sound of your voice as it fades from my existence; your thick blonde hair, and your amazing blue eyes… Even if its where your demons hide. I wish I could move on.. I wish I could get you out of my head, but deep down, something tells me that your supposed to be there.
I know you’ll probably NEVER see this, but by some crazy miracle you do… Please come back to me. Even if it’s just for a friend, because a friend is what I really need. You as a friend anyways.