• Distractions Road Blocks Regrets

    by  • August 24, 2013 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 4 Comments

    When I cut contact with you those weeks I went out of town. Partly to distract myself from the loss/depression and partly because I was aware the date you and I were supposed to see one another was looming. I’ve done a pretty good job at not thinking about our cancelled plans. For me to think about that specifically would just magnify these feelings of loss and what- ifs. I wanted to see you. For many reasons. But I think had that happened we both would have had breakdowns. Not that we haven’t spiralled in our own ways already. But a part of me knows it would have been worth it. I think it would have all made sense once we got together. Sounds silly but I think some people have too much energy between them. So much so that their time together has to be limited. I wonder if that will ever go away. It’s been so long already it’s like its own separate entity or something. If it doesn’t go away, we are going to be even more fucked in the future. Do you realize this? How many more years can it be contained? All things considered, I’m proud we’ve been able to control it. If that’s the right thing to do why the hell does it feel so completely wrong?

    4 Responses to Distractions Road Blocks Regrets

    1. Same boat
      August 28, 2013 at 6:55 pm

      I wonder why you wouldn’t send this? Does your person know you feel this way?

      I agree with everything you just said and I can certainly relate. I had a feeling someone was distancing themselves from me because they were afraid of what may happen. I was too. I wonder if these feelings will ever go away, and I am very conflicted over it. I think we’ve been fucked, are fucked and will be fucked in the future. That is unless we give in to the the temptation of just loving each other already. I am not sure how many more years my situation can be contained. I am so hurt because it seems as if they now are trying to cut all contact to avoid this situation from arising again. I was ready to unleash the beast, oh and they knew it. Shame on me though, I am in no position to do that. I truly thank them for stopping it, but I wish they would be honest and tell me how they felt. I say if loving you them wrong, then I don’t want to be right!

    2. Same boat
      August 28, 2013 at 6:58 pm

      If loving them is wrong, I dont want to be right! Whoops!

    3. author
      August 28, 2013 at 9:34 pm

      @same boat – He knows. Whether it’s completely sunk in is another story.

    4. @same boat
      August 28, 2013 at 10:47 pm

      I was with someone that was going to unleash the beast as you said. She was kind enough to not unleash the beast & even though it hurt so much I still m thankful for that as it would have only made this worse than what they are already now. Loving a person is never wrong. Love is you & I & everyone on this planet

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