• Never again will i let someone in

    by  • August 22, 2013 • Heartbreak • 1 Comment

    She said it’s not my fault. She said it must have been an own personal issue of his, but when i replay the last two days i feel it was me. Me and my mouth that never fucking opens. It’s my fault. I’m not affectionate enough, I don’t know how to let someone in. I don’t know how to make someone not feel alone because i myself have been alone. It’s all I’ve ever been used to. So, fuck me if someone comes along and tries to be apart of me. It’s hard, it’s so fucking hard but i was getting attached to you. Please come back, i don’t want to feel this way.

    I had such a horrible trip that night. I’ll never forget it. Every place you ever felt me suddenly felt highlighted on my body. I couldn’t get you off of me and oh the god damn love bites you left me on my neck. They were piercing into me. Never had i had such a horrible trip. It felt like all the thoughts of you that were racing in my head were these giant fire ants and i couldn’t get them off. It wasn’t until i sang a song in my head that i fell asleep. Once, i wasn’t high anymore i felt better. I felt better when i woke up. I had almost forgotten and then i saw my favorite show on the guide and i felt like crumbling. I instantly regretted ever watching it with you. Our first kiss had the background of them speaking. That show was the basis of my childhood and i watched it with you almost every time you came over. How am i suppose to enjoy it at all now? The first time you ever slept over we watched it and you admitted that you actually liked it. My entire bedroom is practically soiled because of you.

    I’ll never want to read Edgar Allan Poe again. Please come back. There’s an actual sunken feeling inside my chest. Did i fuck up that badly in two days? Please, please come back. I used to thank god that night i ran into you at the movies but now I’m questioning why you ever thought it was a good idea to come into my life if you were going to leave me like this. I’m sorry i turned out to be disappointing. I’m sorry that I’m distant. I’ll try harder to over come this stupid fear if you come back. Please, please, i don’t want to feel this way.

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    One Response to Never again will i let someone in

    1. Purple Heart
      August 22, 2013 at 8:35 pm

      “She said it must have been an own personal issue of his, but when i replay the last two days i feel it was me. Me and my mouth that never fucking opens. It’s my fault. I’m not affectionate enough, I don’t know how to let someone in. I don’t know how to make someone not feel alone because i myself have been alone. It’s all I’ve ever been used to. So, fuck me if someone comes along and tries to be apart of me. ”

      Trust me man. I know a great deal about the subject.

      You’ve been ‘had’ by a Narcissist. But trying to pick one off would be like coming into a village with 50 males in Vietnam and choosing which one of the 50 is a VC. Which one has the grenade that will blow your world to bits. I’ll tell you another thing: You may never fully recover from the wounds. This is a vicious calculating , brilliant and extremely cruel ruthless enemy.
      Friends with a Narcissist? Impossible. They will always be a hidden enemy.

      Make no mistake: They do deal in ‘torture.’ This isn’t my interpretation. This is from the top authorities in the world. One might scoff at the war references. Until you’ve ‘been there’ and have seen first hand the sheer level of straight up manipulation that could talk a dog off a meat wagon, books such as “Help. I’m in Love with a Narcissist ” may go in one ear and out the other.

      It’s imperative that you read that one and maybe 3 others. There’s also another area of healing that will allow you to see that it WASN’T you. You’ve been conned.

      Google “The Jezebel Spirit” I recall the best page is 4-6 down and look for the balck background.
      In essence, this is the same thing with a religious twist on it. Some like the one I mentioned are more straightforward.

      Bottom line, they are wicked, vile creatures wrapped up in a pretty package. They hone their game and
      every man who ‘serves purpose’ to them ir becomes involved, will suffer the consequences.

      They’re a walking time bomb. Get away before the damn thing blows your face off.

      PS. It’s not in gradient form in any academic or psychological /medical journals at present.
      But there’s no question that that Personality Disorder can be put on a 1-10 scale. 1’s or 2’s are a bit arrogant; they pose no danger. The 8’s and above?
      They have a mission. That mission is to destroy the person they ‘love.’ They are INCAPABLE of loving,
      but you’d never know it by the sheer romanticism that comes off their mouth or pen!

      I couldn’t be more serious. On a subconscious their self loathing is so severe, that anyone who cares or is in their sphere, must be destroyed. They will ruin businesses, any group and any friend. People are kept as a means of feeding their ego. The void is so deep that it’s impossible to do.

      Read up. It’s very very real. Its also very very sick and demented. You’ll find confirmation of this information if you spend some time.




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