It’s been almost six months since the last time you broke me. I’d be a liar if I said I don’t think about you, despite all the running away and life changing I’ve done. I’ve moved away from the memories, I’ve changed my entire life in a completely new place. Yet you manage to stumble yourself into my head once I let me guard down. I hate how my subconscious still loves you.
If you bend a piece of metal back and forth long enough, eventually it will break. Just because it seems strong and tough, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have a breaking point. For 4 years, I bent and wove to make you as happy as I could. I got closer to you then anyone has ever gotten. And you managed to treat me like garbage. I dealt with it because I loved you more then myself. I figured I could take it, the metal won’t break.
You broke me. It’s gonna take something serious to fix me. I hate how you made me scared of people. Not just women. I’m afraid of friendships, family, anything with a relationship. I’m afraid to care, because of what you did to me. I hate you for that. I hate how my subconscious still loves you.
I hate how if you said you wanted me back, I’d consider it. I hate how aware I am of what you’ve done, and how I can pretend the good things outweigh the bad. They don’t. Not by a long shot. I want to forget about you. I want to erase your memory, good and bad. I want to be like I was before you broke me. I want to love again.