Hi. My name is Amber. I am 14 years young.
I am Irish, and part British.
I’ve lived in America all my life, but I hope to go to where my family was from; which is Ireland.
My father is not a very good ‘father figure’ on me. He is an alcoholic, and get’s mad very easily. I’ve just now realized that he started drinking when his father died 4 years ago. That’s not an excuse for his actions though.
I love you, don’t get me wrong. But you need to have a wake up call. You sit out in your garage from 3:30, until the time you go to bed, which is usually midnight, and drink. You bitch all the time over the dumbest things. I can NEVER catch you sober.
Last year, my first Chorus concert. I was so excited, even though I didn’t have a solo. Once it was finished, I walked out with a huge smile on my face, which disappeared when I saw you. Your blood shot eyes, droopy face; You came to my concert drunk. You couldn’t stay sober for an hour, to go to an event that meant a lot to me.
Also last year, my brother, Zack, had an FFA banquet that you took my and my 22 year old brother, Nathan too. Mum knew you shouldn’t of been driving, but she was at work, and you insisted. We were driving on the highway, and I noticed you were a little off. Then, you started swerving on the road. Not only does your drinking affect your health, but mine too. We almost got in an accident that day, thank God we didn’t.
You can’t stay sober for a couple hours, how can I trust you? Why do you think I don’t have friends over? Because I’m afraid that you will come in the house drunk, and my friends will see it. And it’s happened before. Even though I say I love you, I’m ashamed of you. And I shouldn’t have to be either. You disappoint me.
My mother is the best thing I have.
She’s nice to me, loves me, and is everything I want in a mum.
But, she is scared of my dad.
She doesn’t love my dad anymore, and yeah, that’s sad, but I get it. My mum won’t divorce my dad because she doesn’t want me growing up without a dad. I just want her to be happy, but she doesn’t understand that.
I love you very much, but you need to start thinking about yourself more then me. You run off all the time because of dad. You and dad fight everynight. I rarely ever see you happy anymore. And I hate that. I just want you happy…
My life may not seem bad in this, but it’s way worse.
I self harm.
In many ways.
It’s just- hard.