• Superstar

    by  • August 20, 2013 • * Safe for Work *, Thoughts • 0 Comments

    Superstar…pretty sure that was my first nickname for you. You were hella good at volleyball and if I remember right it started as a sarcastic joke, I always was kind of an ass that way. Pretty sure I just spent an hour typing up a long letter explaining the history of our relationship, then deleted it all for this. I see your point of view now and I get it, I wish I would have understood back then. It’s been 7 years since our freshman year of high school, 3 years since we broke up, 2 years since we stopped trying to make it work, 1 year since we last slept together, and 6 months since we’ve had any communication at all. For all purposes I’m over you. I have the best group of friends a guy could ask for and 95% of the time I’m incredibly happy. YOu have a boyfriend that you’ve been with for a year and he seems to make you happy. Since we’ve been over I’ve spent my college career telling everyone how much I hate relationships. Like, despise them. That’s not true though. I’m actually a pretty big romantic (you already knew that). But they don’t. So I’m not going to let anyone know how much I loved you, and how much the roller-coaster of the past 3 years has worn me down emotionally to the point that I don’t give any girl the opportunity to connect with me in the way you did. Mostly because I still compare them to you, and that’s a measuring stick no one can reach. Well, no one I’ve met yet. I still have plenty of hope I’ll find someone that takes my breath away just by walking in the room like you did, but I certainly haven’t found it yet. It doesn’t help that I still dream about you all the time. Like not even on purpose. If I think about you I try to push it out of my head but I swear you’ve sealed yourself into my subconscious and I can’t get rid of you. And every dream is about us getting back together somehow and then I wakeup and realize shit, another dream about her. After reading this I realized I’m probably not over you. Not in an unhealthy way, more of a Notebook-esque (sorry for the horribly cheesy reference) Noah Calhoun “I sort of moved on but if you came back into my life I would jump at the chance to be with you.” I don’t know maybe that isn’t healthy, the whole waiting part. But it’s not like I wouldn’t try if the right girl came along. It’s just hard seeing you with a guy when I haven’t found someone yet. I guess I just want you to know how much I loved / still love you, that I’m sorry for the way things ended up, and hopefully we can be apart of each other’s lives’ again one day.

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