I’ve been told in order to get a hold of my thoughts, I should number them off. Here are my 25 thoughts for you, David.
1. It absolutely sucks you named your cat Audrey. Because that’s what my bat shit insane ex-roommate and her boyfriend named their cat.
2. She’s adorable. But
3. I can’t come see her
4. I am numb.
5. I feel nothing. My nurse says I’m in a serious state of denial. She says that until I come to terms with my attempted suicide five days ago, my phone needs to be off. Because
6. Hearing your voice and reading your messages after I told your voicemail machine I took 45 pills is something that will rip my heart apart. So
7. I haven’t heard any of it.
8. I don’t know why I did it but
9. It wasn’t all you.
10. I’m still waiting for your apology.
11. I’m glad you messaged me.
12. I don’t know what to say.
13. I don’t know what to do about us. I want to see you, I want to see your new apartment, I want to take risks with you again.
14. I want to kiss you again and again. But
15. You don’t want to be with me.
16. I can’t take the chance anymore. I am weak and I can’t have my heart ripped apart right now.
17. Please, please don’t be with someone else
18. I’m so sad,
19. It’s so sad how you wished me luck in life. That makes it sound like we will never talk again.
20. I don’t know if we will at all.
21. I know nothing. Well, not nothing.
22. I know some things.
23. I miss you
24. I love you
25. I’m so sorry