Seriously, I think we are karmically zeroed out. Did my year not end when I discovered who you are? I will keep waiting if that is what you wish, but seeing the point of it is difficult just now. I will want it tomorrow, I will want it ten years from now. Why can’t we jump in? There’s no rule that says we must wait, is there? Unless the rule is by your hand. Is it? I am so tired of waiting for you. I have been waiting for at least fifteen years, my love, and that is no lie. Is there something you must do first? Are you making me wait only to break my heart at the end? You said you would not, but even now I feel as though my heart is breaking. Is it really your wish to break it and heal it and break it over and over again. I hand you my heart and you hand me pain in such great quantities. Will you never soothe me?
I try to have faith that one day it will be worth it. The future is so uncertain. I will wait here forever on my knees for you if that is what you wish, but how can it be? I worship you, even now. I do not know how that can be, except that the love is true. I sit here, suffering for you. Waiting for you. Pining for you. Waiting for you to save me from myself. From my life. You have it in your power to change me with a single word. And yet you hold back. I have to wonder why.
I know you are out there, loving me and aching for me as I do for you. I can feel it. In my heart, I can feel it. I need you. You haunt me. Here I am, crying out for you once again. Praying for just the slightest hint of your favor. The slightest hint that you care for me as I care for you. All I can do is sit here, urging you to take the leap that I have already taken. It is worth it. We are worth it. I am here, your clay, waiting for you to mold me to the future you envision together. Until then, I am useless, formless, aching for you. Don’t get me wrong. I know who I am and I know what I want. What I want is you. Come take me. Come change me. The timing is up to you.