• I want the truth

    by  • August 18, 2013 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 18 Comments

    There’s nothing left to lose. I want the truth. I want it in its entirety and it has to come from you. No generalizations and no skirting past important plot points. When you do that, (gloss over stuff) it makes me feel as though any hurt I have felt has been minimized by you; like it never happened to me. For once in your life act like my feelings matter. Can you do that for me?

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    18 Responses to I want the truth

    1. Brie
      August 18, 2013 at 10:41 am

      Yes. Of course. I will do that for everyone from now on.


    2. Brie
      August 18, 2013 at 11:10 am

      And if you want to grill me, you know where I can be found.


    3. author
      August 18, 2013 at 11:48 am

      @Brie – this is for a man.


    4. El Readero
      August 18, 2013 at 11:54 am

      Buy the BOOK first !

      “Help..I’m in Love with a Narc…”

      Then ask.


    5. El Lie Eros
      August 18, 2013 at 1:01 pm

      The first one on this thread fromme hasn’t shown up yet.

      But I’ve ben here ‘hinting’ for 2 weeks.

      Funny. She NEVER questioned or protested.

      She knows perfectly well ….classic. When she’s cornered, she avoids the subject.

      Thats why after 80 weeks together, I ask three questions about ex…and she disappears.

      Not one or two months. 18, really going on 19 now.

      She hides all the posts on Facebook…that’s how she can work several guys.
      Course she lied about that too.


    6. author
      August 18, 2013 at 7:41 pm

      what. the. fuck. are you people talking about…


    7. @Author
      August 19, 2013 at 1:11 am

      I do not know what to say. So much has been said & whatever I say you will not believe & I don’t blame you as I have been all over the place for some time. Only because of the pain I’ve had in losing you my love & that is the truth. Our time together was so grand, I really did enjoy every moment we were together as nothing else mattered when you held my hand as I felt the love that is you.

      She once said “whether it is a season or a lifetime, we are blessed to meet people & sometimes for a reason”, luckily enough I was able to be her man for one cycle of the four seasons. This may seen short to any that read this & it may have been, yet until you have been with someone who you have this undying spiritual connection & greater than just love, then please amuse my writing this to her. I love those words you told me and as the seasons go by without you it has only gotten harder. I haven’t moved on & have held out in hope and the faith of my new found Lord. Everything I embrace & do to better myself has opened my green eyes to so much and it scares the living hell out of me with my new found awareness. I wish you would believe me as my feelings have never changed.

      You said to me once actions speak louder than words & you have never been more so right. You always have been the wisest woman I’ve ever fell in love with. So I will not speak about us online as I have done way to many times, way to many:( before as i’m disrespecting her & everything we believed in. I never meant to hurt you the way in which I have done. I am embarrassed by all that has unfolded and I blame no one bar one, ME.

      Your feelings are more than just important, they are my world as you are in my heart. I am so sorry I have destroyed all that you held so dear in your faith in me. I have tried so much & nothing I do is right so I will do one last thing right by writing this letter as you deserve a man worth the love every woman of worth deserves.



    8. author
      August 19, 2013 at 10:11 am

      @David – for the millionth time, I am NOT HER. You are also answering Brie’s/Bridge’s letters here as well when it seems she is speaking to a man named Neil. This site is SUPPOSED to be for people writing letters to people who ARE NOT HERE at this site. If you are confused, it is your own fault for coming to a place that is anonymous. Got it now?


    9. Sees Gaslighting
      August 19, 2013 at 2:56 pm

      Not a one of you know this person better than I do.

      The name was on the bottom of the tell all letter. Obviously, everyone here knows how to read.

      Not a one of the three would have reacted like they did had the author not used his real name.

      All day ,it’s been nothing but diverting attention with a D Day type misdirection approach..

      I know that game. I know it from history and I know this woman uses it all the time. She’s an expert

      No, the double agent has Hitler fooled, so the Panzer division that would have repelled the invasion were held in reserve.
      The dead guy washed up on the shore with the fake invasion plans was dead when they used that decoy.

      The chaff dropped by allied planes that showed up on radar that morning as though it was an invasion armada were just millions of pieces of aluminum tin foil.

      Bridge is writing to Neil? I don’t recall a single “Dear N”

      It’s all here in black and white.

      Nice try though. Luckily one person sees through the fog. He got the hell out of there.

      “Random people writing into cyber space”

      Sell any bridges lately?


    10. author
      August 20, 2013 at 8:34 pm

      @Gaslighting – I know all about gaslighting because I’m the person ALSO dealing with a narcissist. Maybe you’ve read an article I put on here before for other people being abused last week. I have never mentioned their name, and they do not come here because this site is for letters not meant to be sent or seen by the “receiver”. You are mindfucking yourself and you are letting her/him win by letting yourself get crazy and accusatory to strangers. I’ve been abused too and I don’t need strangers acting like assholes on letters I’m writing in order to heal.


    11. Please re check the scoreboard
      August 21, 2013 at 12:38 pm

      ” Maybe you’ve read an article I put on here before for other people being abused last week.
      Yes I did and it was excellent. It’s EXACTLY what I have experienced recently. My reaction to that kind of treatment, was also ‘textbook’ per the article. I lived it and then acted out just as they said. Yes, It was a great post

      Now, be clear It is not my mission in life to do what you claim nor to anger you.The fact is obvious to anyone with any skill of observation, there are at least two who know each other well and have a significant history. It appears as though there are 3. An Australian. He did not like the post where ‘Daddy Warbucks’ poured out his heart to that psychology grad student. I could SEE he wasn’t bragging…he was telling a story. I wrote in defense of the man after Aussie blows gasket.

      But constantly, I find myself cheer leading for one person for a few days, read some comments/ logic from another and hence, go sit –behind their bench— on the opposite side of the playing field. Then I switch back again!
      It is truly something to observe. I have developed a true affinity for both people. I’m totally sincere where I say that. By affinity I just mean, “I have been there ! I can see what they are saying. I can relate to their comments.”.But they are –also likeable– characters, much like reading a novel.

      Re: Gaslighting, I can see what they mean. Quote: “Not a one of the three would have reacted like they did had the author NOT used his real name.” This fact is highly and most significant. Because if I were wrong, every one would have blown off the post had the author of another letter used his real name, say
      Paul V. Secretok

      The post would have been rendered by all as meaningless !!
      ~A Dead Letter.! ~Return To Sender……! ~Wrong Address !
      Appears as though like it arrived ON time to the right office via Fed Ex.
      There was no mistake given this consideration.

      Now, in regards to winning? I don’t care what others’ scoreboards read. The only ones who are ultimately winning are those that can decipher information.

      On the other hand, I’m WELL aware no one ‘won’ at this game.
      I see it as a human tragedy for several. So many rules were broken.

      The takeaway is for everyone, including the random readers, to sharpen their minds to “signs.”

      I think my only option is to devise some kind of subtle test in the future, so I can get these clues earlier.
      That and question the words “I love you” and believe 100% that they are halfhearted until I see demonstrable proof.

      Good example: When I am uncomfortable with something, my partner makes a real and sincere effort to ‘bend’…not much. Just a little….. as a demonstration /proof that I AM appreciated for all I do. It’s showing respect. It’s showing that they CARE enough to make a slight alteration.

      You cannot win in life with someone high on the selfish meter. Not in any form of partnership, personal, business, friendship or any situation. It’s universally IMPOSSIBLE.

      I and I’m sure millions would label some of these things/situations/ inevitable occurrences in the human transaction world. Truly, some are given leeway’s or votes of trust as a form of ‘gift’ or alterations people make to enhance the relationship. The goal f course, is attempting to meet their stated needs. People WILL tell you what they want or need, some prefer to make strong hints.

      In a sense, it’s giving them power when you bestow certain trusts. Like putting your heart in their hands, with the absolute assurance from the other that they can be trusted with such a responsibility.
      It’s the ultimate in a loving relationship that has true intimacy. IMO, it’s also the last surrender of yourself that joins you as one and likely the dynamic that must happen to raise a person to a level of bliss.

      Vulnerable but trusting. I’m afraid though, that this is not very realistic. Lesson learned.

      My friend put this into perfect perspective yesterday:
      “Look at history. Hardly anyone can handle power correctly. They generally always misuse it. It goes to their head. People have been misusing power for thousands of years !”

      Then, ironically I found this as my nightcap to a mind expanding day. Apparently I’ve been doing this all wrong for 30 years: “I have found little that is ‘good’ about human beings on the whole. In my experience most of them are trash, no matter whether they publicly subscribe to this or that ethical doctrine or to none at all. That is something that you cannot say aloud, or perhaps even think.”
      Sigmund Freud

      SAD !!!!!!!!!

      Admittedly, it is highly probable I don’t know you, so I’m writing not to a person, but to a situation (and also reconfirming what i don’t want to forget) …but to say no one is speaking to anyone directly on here is simply the furthest thing from the truth.

      PS. This ‘unconditional love’ crap? I hope no one tries to sell that idea. You going to keep your pretty dog who bites you hard every few weeks? Hell no. Don’t even bring up such nonsense to me unless you are talking about a child of yours. Even that has limits !

      It’s an equal exchange universe.


    12. I Am He
      August 21, 2013 at 7:09 pm

      Good morning from Australia dear strangest yet closest author I have a positive affinity to here on this wondrous & sometimes….no most of the time self-torturous Confucius website which is of my own doing & mine alone:)

      There is unfortunately no situation here, only one man’s delusion which is on repeat for his soul mate who is here without a shred of doubt! So hello You, I hope you are well & your family are happy which is how I will always remember such a close knit ethnic family…one of the oh so many reasons I loved(& always will-its funny I will till the day I die:) which we all know for I am far from crazy just I became sleep deprived & had insomnia of all things in the end caused by all my distress which was mainly external issues & some I co-created which when all combined became one big super nova which like all super nova’s they burn so bright everyone on this website went WTF is that, oh the pretty light looks so good for some time then it becomes an annoyance for you have to cover your eyes for the light can sometimes burn too bright & piss the fucking shit out of you off when the light we may say is not needed in this corner which is I know none of my business so…..pause…….like all super nova’s they consume all their energy & the flash point has hit the pinnacle whereas this once now becoming dead star is firing on all cylinders in the hope of being with his love which she he believes is not worthy but on here to tease or torment his once happy soul which now looks fantastic on the outside for all to see….like any false advertising we can project an image of success which is real in a work like sense & to friends that see him, yet deep down when the sun falls & the endless stars that are to me every soul’s passion for another & that is why some stars burn brighter than others…? As we see that smile or twinkle twinkle little star staring down at us in the moon lit sky, as he gazes up as he does every night & pray a little yet powerful prayer for her, yes he is crazy in love with her, everything about her-for eaxactly that…for how she was and nothing more…there was nothing I wanted to change about her & once more was one of the reasons I danced round her spreading pixie dust to gain her attention for she was one worthy of it all says I the Queen’s Jester. Did you see that…of course not as you can’t see me do my endless jig as a jester does for I am the Queens jester & fool in one as yes I’m a hopeless romantic who is also a poet & any who have felt my heart know it.

      For all it’s worth YES I have lived a life many can only dream of, yes you were right I have had & done it all…from the Hollywood lifestyles, where presidential suites where hired out on on a weekly basis with glass tables covered in…, to the most decadent parties…the Roman’s knew what they were on about:) we were all young(er) once, to mile high clubs on chartered jets for the hell of it to say “Fuck yeah” I’ve done that…not many can say I haven’t done very little in life as even though all I wish in life & have done for the last 10 years is to be normal! NORMAL you say, Yes, normal as when you have done what I have done which is several lifetimes worth of activities & adventures before the age of 26(that’s not ego-that’s my previous life)I had done nearly everything I wanted to & was moving in the direction I wanted to. My goal which was coming to fruition was to retire a multi millionaire at the old age of 40 & be self sufficient with generated income off $160k Aust per year after tax which I was not far off by 33…no I use redirect as to retire is to stop and when you stop you DIE…seen it happen to many times(I’ve lost 36 great close best male friends…lead pall bearer for all of them, bloody damn heavy caskets I tell you as I’ve nearly dropped a few…that would be funny wouldn’t it considering I used to be 112kg/6ft2inchs of rippling muscle & now a distressed out lean ball of wire 78kg with under 6% body fat:?( I even played the role of a gangster & yes for anyone out there it is the best & worst lifestyle to live as at the end of the day the majority of them end up all dead, in jail or the few like me..their eye’s were so open they didn’t like that life and became disgusted with it within themselves so they started to look at their future and chase what people think is mundane….A normal life with wife and children and thats the most important and treasured thing in life and nothing else.

      Family, friends, & happiness is my motto, the impossible is possible if you want it, you just have to chase it if you believe in it, live your dreams not become comfortable and take the easy options & finally the ordinary is the extra-ordinary as the simple things in life ARE most definitely the best!

      Once a man gives his heart then they give it their all. I do not know what she wants or thinks anymore as yes there are to many similar parallel stories which only reinforces to me we humans are all so similar and alike for we are all geared for the biggest and best thing in life…LOVE? Am I right or wrong? You need not answer this as for me to even ask this of anyone who needs to answer a loaded question that is self explanatory is just food for thought. Well you know know more than most people as I told her my past because thats what it is and even though people say they don’t judge…BS, she never looked at me the same again for all it;s worth so in the future I will not ever bringing up my past I am not so proud of as it isn’t the right path or lifestyle I’d like any of my future children to see or do. That is why I say to her I know more than you ever knew as no one can pull the wool over my eyes as I can read and sense people when I see them, I can even tell what sort of work they do, their likes and dislike, whether they are telling the truth or not…except when it’s the person your in love with as when in love it is blind as you want to believe in all the good and talk their word for it as otherwise how are you going to grow together???

      One last reminiscing point….YOU out there, I have forgiven and forgotten what you didn’t say truthfully to me & ONLY YOU know what is the truth. That is why we are where we are now for I never not once held the truth back from you where you can not say the same as I KNEW which I had to point out to you nicely & you still spat your guilt back at me. I need not say what they were as that;s between you and I. All I know is no “normal” man would have ever put up with or be still chasing you now! If that doesn’t show how compassionate and forgiving and believing in you in your entirety then I don’t know what you expect me to do. Even what you did in the end….well considering my past you think “FUCK” people don’t fuck with gangsters, the movies are no where close to reality, it can be way worse & that;s why I have no fears except when I open my heart to love:) and yet here I stand being the better man, a clear conscience, disappointed yes, not angry or having not one thoughts of retribution as many stupid gutless boys not men do out of bitterness & I will not be or am one of them as I have a rule which is ingrained in me & it’s a simple one-no man if he a man should or ever physically hurt a woman for then he is not a man but a coward and a coward who should be cast out from society as those types of men are the one’s that are the scary missing a piece of their brain type who can’t be trusted. I would literally take my own life before I even had a single thought of doing that to a woman as that’ll mean I am nothing…a man has only respect, morals and his integrity & by always telling the truth I know I am right in what I say and do. That is probaly why I have so many good real lifelong friends, both male and female.

      See how I still have faith in you for who you are as I saw your loving soul from the outset & no one including me is perfect by far, I even revealed my past that I care nothing about to prove to you I’m willing & wanting & if I can forgive, forget and move forward without being bitter, or going to bring this up in the future which how as I just said it’s now in the past so there it shall stay,and still wanting to grow as man & wife with you…to one day give the greatest gift in life to you and I….children:) doesn’t that say anything or mean anything???

      I will prove my actions are louder than words as the buck stops here. I won’t be replying…or seen here ever again as the “Man who once was a Lion who’s roar was respected by all” I shall respect myself & stop chasing what I should not have to for if you love me you would be in my arms whispering sweet words of endless whispers that are for your and my ears alone.

      THE END……………..Never to be heard on L.I.N.S. again for I shall be the Lion once more ROAR:)


    13. @scoreboard
      August 22, 2013 at 1:31 am

      Oh I wrote my last piece to you dear starnger before and I was very interested in your other piece. What I forgot to say is Im the Aussie man who defended the grad student as well so you may have got mixed up:) You cant tell the other Aussie-female ex:(


    14. One thing left to say
      April 18, 2014 at 10:29 pm



    15. And on the 8th month
      April 20, 2014 at 3:05 am

      He rose from the dead.

      Verily, I say unto you, what treasure or comfort do you seek? Ask and it shall be revealed. Truly, your response hast been delayed. Had you waited another moon cycle, even child could have been conceived and entered the world.

      What passage from The Book of Wisdom intrigues you to return?


    16. author
      April 20, 2014 at 6:05 pm

      wow. Completely forgot I wrote this. I see strangers still like to post essays as comments…


    17. Searching for Answers in Circles
      April 21, 2014 at 8:44 am

      I want the truth too…


    18. @Searching for Answers in Circles
      April 21, 2014 at 12:58 pm

      You are not alone.



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