• I am a monster

    by  • August 18, 2013 • * Safe for Work *, Abuse • 0 Comments

    “Be kind for everyone is fighting a hard battle”
    A post it note on my desk unheeded
    I lost it. A side of me that I thought was gone came out. A dark, scary, side. I lashed out.
    You didn’t deserve it. Had you known what was going to happen you would have never started the conversation.
    There are no outward scars of emotional abuse. Sticks and stones may break your bones but words are death.
    I wanted you to think I was strong. And that I was over it.
    Honestly I said those things to intentionally cause as much harm as I could
    Because I was hurting myself. And deep down inside I was a sad scared girl.
    But I couldn’t tell you that.
    I have been abused before. You have too.
    I am the abuser.
    I thought it would make me feel better. Being mean to you. Making sure you were hurting as much as I was.
    I feel worse. Because now all I want is to apologize to you. And have things go back to the way they were 3 months ago. When we were happy.
    The last two words I said were to stay away.
    Please do. Because I’m still a monster. And I am afraid I will never change.

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