This morning we finished, I snapped and told you i couldn’t do this anymore, that i was so unhappy. You didn’t even put up much of a fight, and i know why. It’s cause you’re depression is coming back and it’s my fault. I couldn’t stick by everything I promised i would. I should never have promised anything in the first place, I’ve broke your heart and I know the pain you’re going through because I’ve been through it myself.
I’m sorry that i failed to be the rock that you needed. I’m sorry I stayed with you so long when I always had doubts. I tried to fix you but I couldn’t, and I couldn’t stay any longer with how annoyed and angry i always got because of how you were and acted, how you never spoke to me – i just talked and when i stopped the conversation was over, how you got so drunk I’d have to look after you and carry you every time we met other folk for a casual drink. You did it last night and i had to carry you for over a mile, keep you up and guide you… I can’t do it anymore, I love you but im not in love with you and i feel like i’ve led you on all this time. To be truely honest i feel like a vile and horrible human being and all i want to do is hug you and tell you how sorry i am but I can’t, because it won’t work and I don’t know what I can do to help you when you hate yourself so much and won’t let me in. There’s only so much you can try to help people until you need to realize they need to help themselves. I’m just sorry for giving you some false sense of hope when i had so many ambitions of my own that I want to accomplish, and I can’t do that and be with you because this is using so much of my energy, how do you love someone who you have to fight to even get a sentence out of? I thought I could fix you but the truth is I can’t, you need to fix yourself and I’ve learned no matter how much I want you too I cant and it’s eating away at me so much I need to leave, I’m sorry.
I love you with all my heart but I can’t be with you, you deserve someone who is in love with you and can hold you every time you fall, and not loose strength over time like i did.
Please find help, please remember that the world can be a beautiful place you just need to look for it, embrace life, be your own vision.
You will always have a place in my heart, I hope you find happiness in this life, because you are one of the greatest people I’ve ever met, you just need to realize it for yourself.
Take care Munchkin…