• Cruel to be kind

    by  • August 14, 2013 • * Safe for Work *, Advice • 24 Comments

    If your person is not contacting you, then take it at face value and start focusing on yourself and healing. I think we have all been there at one time or another.

    If you have wronged your person and are trying to apologize or rectify the situation and they are not contacting you – you are being selfish by continuing to force contact. Any desire for complete closure from the person you have wronged is a moot point. It is a foot in the door scenerio in many cases and used to continue contact. Your closure came when you wronged your person and they chose to leave.

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    24 Responses to Cruel to be kind

    1. Friends
      August 14, 2013 at 10:40 am

      I’d like to think that this is a world where forgiveness and understanding are more common than the screw you attitude that some people have. Misunderstandings happen all the time between friends and lovers alike. People seeking those things are not being selfish, they are being human. Good day.




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    2. Grace
      August 14, 2013 at 10:52 am

      If I ditched everyone who ever “wronged” me, I would have no one left lol. You don’t ignore someone who’s trying to apologize to you. What’s wrong with people? Oh yeah, THAT’S what’s wrong with people. Disposable friends in a disposeable society. Perfect!




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    3. Whoa
      August 14, 2013 at 11:58 am

      Not that I agree with ignoring people you don’t want in your life anymore, but if that’s what a person wants then you have to deal with it.

      Forcing yourself on someone almost never works, and normally enforces their reasons behind doing it in the first place. You can sit there and say whatever you like about how horrible it is, but at the end of the day, you’re making yourself look like a lunatic, no matter how much that truth hurts.

      I’ve been cut out before, and I have a three call/text/drop in rule. I’ll reach out a max of 3 times. No response, I got the hint, have a nice life.

      Now, flame away.




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    4. author
      August 14, 2013 at 12:35 pm

      You are applying your own scenerios to this. This pertains to individuals who have continuously wronged another and continue to not accept it is over.




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    5. Maybe, maybe not
      August 14, 2013 at 12:41 pm

      Closure is yours to make when you make it, not at any particular event or ending of events. People are different therefore it’s different for everyone. That’s the risk you take when you allow someone into your life. You don’t get to decide, not all the way. Sorry. Truth.




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    6. What if
      August 14, 2013 at 12:43 pm

      What if it’s not closure you seek wirh your apology? What if it’s that you realized what you did, or you grew up a bit in the process and genuinely want the person to understand that you are remorseful want to be forgiven and continue the relationship. How is that wrong? Is there something fundamentally wrong with continuing to try to let someone know that you understand that what you did was hurtful, that you are sorry, you value their place in your life and want to work toward a better solution than having a destructive ending to an otherwise good relationship?




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    7. S
      August 14, 2013 at 1:25 pm

      @what if:

      I totally second that sentiment / comment




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    8. @What If
      August 14, 2013 at 2:41 pm

      My name is known in this here parts as the crazy horse ;D

      You response is one who has said it best. There is no amount of goes as one reader said…three shit they will be single their whole life if that’s their rule…says much about them sadly whoever they are. The author is right in their beliefs just as you, Grace, friends & I all have more compassionate feelings to fellow souls. I ask everyone a question? How many life long good platonic not lovers, ex’s etc friends do you have. I’m talking 15 years plus if your 30 plus? I count over 30. And I’m the crazy man. How many do you dear female bloggers? Be honest here for I am. Most of my friends are & have been life long and that’s not ppl who I call associates ppl you see when out or on a blue moon…then the number would be in excess of 200!!! So for all you ppl who don’t forgive others for things you think is too wrong think again. Most ppl in life have a good heart and if you choose to be around these sorts of ppl then you are more than likely one too. So for those that have very few friends think hard on this and you shall answer why you have as few friends as you do regardless how close you are. My to cents. I hadn’t seen many for ages until my separation & I realised it was I who for once disappeared as I was so consumed with a love that I shall always remember as the good times far outweighed the bad….the bad in fact were so few I’m amazed I’m here lol. she is that why lol. Anyhow time to go to work. Have a great day everybody.




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    9. author
      August 14, 2013 at 3:46 pm

      If one of the two people no longer want the relationship, then it is over. Yes, sometimes you need to create your own closure, that does not mean you can force someone else to give you that. My point is that some people – SOME, do not take no for an answer after they have hurt someone over and over again. That is where it becomes selfish. So not only have they hurt their person, they continue to force their presence in their life after it is over.

      I am on the same page as @Whoa it seems.

      @maybe maybe not – that’s kind of a stalker mentality. It’s like saying, “I’ll tell you when it’s over, you can’t decide that”, to your ex person. I’m not calling you a stalker, but try to see it from that perspective.

      @What if – it depends. 1) How many times have you hurt your person? 2) Does your person even want to continue the relationship? 3) Have they flat out told you to leave them alone? You BOTH have to want the same thing for it to continue or be “fixed”.




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    10. @What if...
      August 14, 2013 at 5:29 pm

      @ What if…if that is what you are trying to achieve with your apologies and contact, and your gestures are ignored, and not returned, then that should tell you somethig… that your person does not want to continue with a relationship.Yes, there is something wrong with continually trying to force a relationship if feelinga are not mutual. If you hurt them, say sorry …move on! You may value their place in your life but, do they value your presence in theirs? If they did, would they ignore you? Would they refuse to communicate with you? Obviously NOT.




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    11. Opinions and assholes
      August 14, 2013 at 6:18 pm

      I think everyone has a good point here. I see both sides. If the wrongdoings were bad enough to warrant a complete severing of ties then yes, get the hint after a few times. However, if the wrongdoings were minor and doings that could be seen as mistakes made (as we all do), I dont see why someone would completely just cut you out. Unless of course, they had their own underlying issues…




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    12. @author
      August 15, 2013 at 1:02 am

      Yes YOU are right as I know it is you as you always use one word in many places in capitals. I will leave you be as I only thought by your comments even recently you thought maybe otherwise. I wasn’t kidding where a no longer friend wrote the “The She Wolf” or whatever it was. After that I saw you change for I would to as yes I did say that long ago yet for heavens sake a woman named Megan who I know thought it was nice to write from my journal which was from ages ago. I kid you not:( You even wrote on God like blogs you thought there maybe a chance now nothing. That saddens me. I would even go on a lie detector machine for all it’s worth. You say you are all you are then why could you not forgive what happened? It wasn’t that bad. You played a part that I forgave that many men would never. It doesn’t matter as I know you will not change your mind.




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    13. Maybe, maybe not
      August 15, 2013 at 4:50 am

      @author

      That’s not exactly what I meant. I simply meant you can’t tell someone when they should have closure. Saying it’s over and having closure are two different things. Closure means you are ready to move on. This happens after breakups as opposed right at the break up point more often than not. I simply meant you can’t control every the emotions of others. I’m sure at some point others have moved on before you were ready to. Interacting with others means you can’t control everything. That’s all I meant.




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    14. Who's On First
      August 15, 2013 at 6:08 am

      Addendum:
      There’s a little unwritten rule among some people who know how to deal with people.
      People, who need people. Oh, that ticket price in several memories here, is just too high to pay.

      But as a rule, if you are over 30, as Crazy Horse says and look down at your hand and only half of it
      equates to the number of true friends you have, this is an issue. Something is wong in China Town.

      This alone is a revealing indicator that can be used effectively for making an analysis.
      Men who know woman who have no real close female friends, often become concerned.

      Word.




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    15. author
      August 15, 2013 at 8:03 am

      @@author- Sorry but God blogs are not my thing at all. You have the wrong person. When you get to a point online where you are trying to find someone by the way they write, it might be wise to “check yourself”…as in reality check.




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    16. author
      August 15, 2013 at 11:43 am

      Some of you are taking this completely out of context to fit your scenerio or about friendships. Who are you trying to justify this to? Yourself, me a stranger, or to who you think I am? I know no one here personally.




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    17. @author
      August 15, 2013 at 1:06 pm

      No you are wrong author as for some reason they have followed me everywhere on the net then SAYING why are you following me yet I didn’t even know till they said my actual name…then when you read and put two and two together as it as it happened from their perspective & sometimes it was true to but not always. Even HERE I AM SCORNED by her. I never though she was like that. I really didn’t. Today is my last day here as I will wait no longer as there are many women out there who will love my attention as I have never had an issue there. I am a hopeless romantic poet though. Ever woman I’ve been with love that. Not many mind you as they were all quite long lasting. A scrore of years the highest.

      Like @Who’s On First stated…my ex had way to many male friends which my ears pricked up traight away yet I thought I would be the better man. Wrong. Never again will I believe that as she even said these men said they loved he, many wanted to marry her, she slept with most I’d say? And then to say I’m catching up for drinks…its alright you can trust me….it took looking at her phone. How do you think that made this an feel as I’ve never had to do that before ever. I could say much but its pointless.

      I’ve become spiritual this year & so I thought I could be the better man & see if our paths would meet once more. We did yet all I wanted to hear was for her to say the truth from her lips and actually the closure she never gave & told me to figure it out myself…says much really. Cold as ice. Nope, not one bit. Then I told her of the phone. Well it went from amicable to me being thrown in hell for I WAS portrayed as the “offender”. She was lucky I choose to be the better person as I could and would have made a example for all to see as I had so much literal evidence you may say to say otherwise. I choose not to out of respect of what we had. She even cost me my job. Every single person I have spoken too, which isn’t many as its a private matter said how evil that was and unnecessary. I don’t even bear any grudges, malice or resentment only sadness that she revealed a side of her I never knew. It took a good man to show her that at her age partying still is for someone younger and to see what life is really about. Now all she wants is babies and a family…it took a man of substance to be thrown to the vultures to open her eyes funny how, life goes on, it has propelled me to a much better job, way much better double six figures in fact, I’ve evolved, yes I lost it on here as becoming spiritual I found has actually opened my emotional side so much it scares me I say to all. It’s great though and I wouldn’t have it any other way for everyone in reality sees this. I should just go literally get back on the dating scene as for men this is how they move on instantaneously as I have remained celibate ironically for hope that is now dead. Thank you to all on this post as this is it for me. Time to be the very tall, fit , funny outgoing man I was before her and this site. Thank you to admin for posting my stuff. Thank you to me for finally waking up.

      Have fun everybody as I have had an awesome life in the real world. What a crazy love tale I will say and it was only a year. That is what makes me laugh now as that I nothing but a lesson learnt on what I do deserve & what not to ever put the fuck up with ever again.

      Ps if a person really believes in tarot cards run like fuck fast as the legs you have can propel you away. Even star signs…yes they are a base line I will completely agree but we are the masters of our own destiny. Nothing else so goodbye all & please don’t ever do what I’ve done stay on the blogging or anything internet for to long as this is what will drive you crazy nothing else for the chance of hope which really says it all…..An illusion that we have allowed to plat tricks on ourselves. Best of luck.




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    18. author
      August 15, 2013 at 5:04 pm

      coo coo loo loo.




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    19. God Bless that Man
      August 15, 2013 at 7:48 pm

      Now that was a gentleman.

      I liked him.




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    20. @author
      August 16, 2013 at 4:21 am

      Great comeback for a stranger that always uses one or two words in capitals ever tme lol Yes you are coo cco fucked lol




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    21. S
      August 16, 2013 at 12:27 pm

      Okay @Author coo coo loo loo

      Is there something you’d like to say to me? Feel free to call me.
      I don’t know who you are nor your angle. And up until now I assumed this letter was just a letter with no connection to me (even though its relevant).
      But the comment “coo coo loo loo” seems to be a clue, or directed towards me. I could be way off, simply a coincidence. But then again i’ve heard there are “no such things as coincidences”.

      🙂




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    22. author
      August 16, 2013 at 7:48 pm

      So…..how many people here are suffering from delusions exactly?! I don’t know anyone here personally thank goodness.




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    23. @s
      August 17, 2013 at 5:57 pm

      Very funny S lol. I know liken you every time. It’s a parady aren’t we you and I. We both want it, then we both say no, then yes as we both go back and forth. We must be strong though to go this long. That alone says some thing. It also say no as you have showed your cards so what’s the point then a it’s never going to eventuate as you don’t want this and haven’t so I guess you just like toying with me. I wasn’t, yep have gone silly as love does that when we keep being told maybe yes no no yes toy yes no. The site admin is right as are others.

      I’m being disrespectful to others. Only because you write to me and say things we only know to what point? None as you only say here not in real life to me so nothong I can do. There you are. You have got what you sought.

      Me walking away as even on here they say I shouldn’t try. Not once have I ever given upon yolu…not once. C’mon lets leave and show some respect for others. I will now. I have written one last letter which I sadly say is where I’m going by what you’ve done to me. Silly thing is I’m looking forward to it. You’ll never know as I won’t be here on anywhere near you. So far away no one will know. Oh & now I’m doing something else to they, you have said.;Ip;m not but if that makes you feel better then believe it. I’m actually just so tired as my soul is at a crossroads & all the option look good.No one will understand & nor hould they hsve tp.




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    24. @God Bless That Man
      August 22, 2013 at 11:57 pm

      Hello there once more…um I’ll use Teresa this time. No wonder I went like I did as yur still playing me Karma & I wont forget!




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