• too much to ask?

    by  • August 12, 2013 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 11 Comments

    That you acknowledged my exsistance? Not talking to me only confirms my fear that you dislike me because of the way I behaved. Could there be any other explanation. Because i’m running out of faith. Are you punishing me on purpose? Will it always be like this? I don’t have the mindset to take it anymore. It would be so much more compassionate if you just told me to piss off directly instead of making me wonder. I’ll never give up on you ever unless you say to. Say something please.

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    11 Responses to too much to ask?

    1. Krispy
      August 12, 2013 at 10:06 pm

      couldnt have expressed my feelings better


    2. A Man's View
      August 13, 2013 at 3:42 am

      No one ever wish’s it to go astray as no one wish’s to go through what we all are going through here. I would never tell her to piss off rather I’d wish for her to be in my arms not on here talking from afar. Gosh this letter really pulls on my heart strings as I’ll never know who is who. My bad I suppose. Never give up dear author as true love is meant to conquer all walls, barriers or so I thought as I feel my time on here is coming to a close. I hope it all works out for you unlike my situation.


    3. Not ok
      August 13, 2013 at 7:29 am

      Someone posted a fantastic article last week or the week before about the impact and psychology behind the silent treatment. It was called ‘Mr Nice Guy’ el oh el. It was really helpful to me when I read it in seeing that it’s the person who refuses to acknowledge anothers existence who has a serious problem and maybe can help you move on too. There’s a profile that matched the person who was doing this to me almost exactly. Maybe it’ll help you too. Be brave and love yourself.


    4. possible explanation?
      August 13, 2013 at 7:41 am

      Here’s the thing. There are two sides to this. Your person may not be speaking to you if you have been cruel or caused them undeniable pain; perhaps they feel further discussion from them would just prolong it. Perhaps you could be the type of person who just won’t listen when and if they already told you to “piss off”.

      I’m only saying this because I have been on both sides with the same person. They would stop talking to me for no other reason than they liked the “power” it gave them over me. When I finally realized they were completely toxic for me I completely disengaged AFTER giving them a “heads up” that I was through. Weeks went by and they must have been in complete denial because they played dumb and began acting like the victim; as though I was the cruel one by not speaking to them. They said I was giving them the silent treatment and they began acting desperate. The difference is that I was treated callously with no explanation and no cause. They are only desperate now because they see they lost their power over me.

      See the difference? Not saying this is the case with your person, just a possibile explanation that might be helpful to you or others.


    5. @possible explanation
      August 13, 2013 at 12:01 pm

      I was the man who wrote earlier & I hope she doesn’t think of me as you just suggested as i am reaching out in desperation but never to seek power over her. That sickens me to even hear that quite literally. Gosh I really hope not for being a man who does think on things quite deeply I would never wish that upon another person. Thank you for your input I will say as this maybe why she does think of me so. Funny though as she was the most confident woman I’d ever been with and that was one of the reasons I fell in love with her. She was an energizing to all she met & that would be the last thing i would ever want for her to feel or think. Thank you as you have given me an incite of how she may perceive things. I never stopped talking to her though in fact the opposite until she said she did not love me any more, which I then left her alone as she asked to then find she was waiting for me to go back to her when all I did was do as she said. Then by then she said I took too long… So confusing I tell you she was yet still I love her. Jokes on me I think:)


    6. In my experience
      August 13, 2013 at 12:55 pm

      @Possible explanation. You are right on the money. Those are normally some of the possibilties. For Some people will hear but never listen. You can tell hem to “piss off” as diplomatically as you possibly can, but they refuse to accept the truth, the reality that the relationship is actually over/finished/ never to be repeated/done. Trying to explain to them, that you do not want then in your life, something that you have already told them over and over again becomes a waste of every ones time (especially when you have moved on). Continuing contact with that person only prolongs the agony and sometimes feeds into their delusions and drama. So some may feel that it is mistreatment, I beg to differ, sometimes when a relationship is over, it’s over. silence may be your best option, when you are trying to MOVE ON


    7. author
      August 13, 2013 at 3:18 pm

      it’s been 10 months since i realized he might know i’m alive, I’m not ready to accept blame for anything from before that point in time. I didn’t know he cared one way or the other… he was my inspiration but i didn’t think he knew about it.

      i only play power games in the bedroom. the dynamics of a relationship have to be on equal ground or it’s all bad.


    8. Not OK II, Esq
      August 13, 2013 at 4:45 pm

      Dear Same Boater,

      You too? I had the same reaction,when reading the article, right down to the same counter reactions stated. I was the manifestation, in the flesh, of the topics covered by that author. A most excellent find.
      The psychology books published during the last ten years or so have been highly impressive.
      No longer does one need to struggle with unfamiliar ‘for a Dr only’ type terminology that used to make for an almost impossible read. I was right there with you, going through the same thing

      (Letter revised at completion, after a second examination of the article as a whole. No sense wasting a love story as it has some merit, at least to me)

      (Contd) My dad had a half brother. Marine in the South Pacific; successful businessman.
      Coolest guy. He was in a sense my first male/family role model. He married the kindest woman I have ever known. She too, became a mental blueprint forming unconsciously in a young boys head about how things should be at home, in a family structure and how two people would care for one another.

      We spend holidays there as a child; Thanksgivings and half of Christmas day was spent there, for many years. Such pleasant and everlasting memories live with me to this day. It may have been the ‘safest’ home I have ever been in. This was family at its finest hour; everyone was so kind to one another. Come to think about it (lightbulb moment) even the youngest of our toddler siblings, never cried. Not once. The house on the top of a small hill, probably worth 3 million (not spectacular, but unique) was a sanctuary. There was zero strife. Everything was calm, serene and safe. Never did i hear a stern word uttered by anyone.

      There was nothing but peace and love in that house. Never did I see or hear and gestures between the two of them, no sweet nothings were ever exchanged. You just knew there was love between them and for everyone who was present.

      Maybe it’s just me, maybe it’s the memory of the freshly baked bread that filled the entire large living area.
      But from here onward, I seek peace like the kind I knew, the kind I was lucky enough to see and feel. I seek safety. I seek a knowing-ness that my home can one day be filled with love like the one I experienced as a youngster.

      And no words will need to be uttered to prove it or reinforce it. It will just “be” without the glitter. Oh, there will be the routine kisses on the cheek and more. I am not my fathers brother. But I wonder if this is how I learned my brand of affection? I always generally add to any good thing recipe until it fits my personality.
      But at this stage, I find this kind of love and a lack of strife highly appealing.

      Maybe we should consider a supportive role towards everyone involved? Maybe we should help our ‘brothers and sisters?’ Food for thought…..

      Incidentally, 68 years ago yesterday, the War in The Pacific ended. The one time paradise of tropical islands were strewn with pain unimaginable. I don’t like pain and unlike a battle hardened Marine, I don’t run to it, I run from it.
      Maybe we ought to be thankful to have made it out alive & rebuild, in whatever manner or form that assumes.

      I think it’s time to lay down the instruments of conflict. In war, there never are any clear winners.
      In the textbook sense, often it’s the losing side that rebuilds and recovers with growth and a flourishing
      way of life.

      Let us seek peace. It is within our grasp.

      Let us also be clear that our homeland will be defended. Korea was very close to Japan.
      This time I won’t send in that arrogant, overblown, pompous ass MacArthur.
      I’ll send Patton


    9. @In My Experience
      August 14, 2013 at 2:03 pm

      I completely agree with what you said if and only if that person was mature enough to not suddenly spring this upon them(me) after she had flipped her feelings once more after confiding in a friend that always tried to make things worse then to top it off she does it by phone, then says I will have to find my own closure! Really, I have forgiven her for all it’s worth for what she did. Then I find what shehas written on blogs with my name in it mind you! To then only find this too late she says which I surmise is you young lady as I get your drift as it is you who has lost out not me. Even here if this is you won’t give me the decency that you should have given as a so called adult and I would never have been here in the first place? Never not once and I could have moved on with my life instead of once more I believe you are doing what you love….emotional torture!!!! She not once admitted what she did so being religious and spiritual? I wont say what as that is for her to live with plus costing me my job which I was in fact saddened not angry as why would anyone do such a act as it once more says much. I could have turned the tables and still could so be thankful I’m a nice guy you lost not me who lost you. I dare you to be honest? I actually am not upset just mystified why someone can’t say the truth to me or even hear with all this cover of anonymous people? I feel sorry for you I really do as it says much so I hope even the admin now see why I’ve gone silly as I wasn’t once like this till you. I have talked to others you know….ex’s and rewind…………………………………………………………………..


    10. author
      August 15, 2013 at 2:22 pm

      we have never been alone – just he and I – any place every. so if you have an issue with someone you know personally it’s not me. if the only time we’ve ever seen or spoken to one another there’s always 100’s of people around… well then let’s talk.


    11. author
      August 15, 2013 at 2:23 pm

      oh and i’m older than he is by 2 years if that helps.



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