• To Those Affected Negatively By Narcs

    by  • August 12, 2013 • * Safe for Work *, Advice • 6 Comments

    Try not to be bitter and angry. If you are, do so in your own space and not around the narc. All it does is feed their need for attention even if it is negative attention. Perhaps they will come back with their tails between their legs ACTING as though they have really really “seen the light” THIS time. They will play every card – sympathy, remorse, desperation, blah blah bleech. Just leave them be and be happy you are no longer blind to their bullshit. Do. Not. React.

    – From someone who learned the hard way.

    6 Responses to To Those Affected Negatively By Narcs

    1. another
      August 12, 2013 at 8:04 pm

      There is no better advice than the above mentioned. The unlucky of us learn the hard way.

      Oh the lengths one will go to in order to reel you back in… Don’t mistake this for love, understanding, or compassion… They understand none of those things. They’ll keep you as long as you let them, but they’ll never be yours.

    2. JPepper,pHd, aDd
      August 13, 2013 at 12:21 am

      Jolly Good Show !

      Lovely. Because people aren’t really people to them. Everything is an object to be used to boost their self esteem. Now, of course, a guy with a real looker does get a bit of an esteem boost, but the healthy one feels it just inside themselves. There’s no exterior motive in the least. The opposite is that with the type you speak of, the other is an ornament to show off to the world. “Look how great I must be since I caught this fish !” is how their mind handles it.
      The healthy one may feel a sense of pride, but only because they know the other feels the same, that they are faithful and they are mindful of ever crossing any boundary (especially in front of you) that is inappropriate. How lucky the man who knows in his heart that boundary will be respected when he is not present. What they really feel is simple fortune and a humbleness as they are wildly attracted, but proud of that person. Looks are just used as an extreme example; they aren’t the primary motive in the case of the healthy couple, but it is my sense that appearance and the desire to show off the trophy person are the #1 motive of this type.

      The bottom line is that you are right. There is a huge disconnect with these people and lack what scientists recently discovered as ‘The Empathy Gene.’ This gives or robs people from feeling towards another, no matter what the situation, a sense of ‘how might they feel if I _______'(fill in the blank..it can be anything.

      It’s not that they don’t care; well , that’s not quite true. They don’t…..because they can’t.

      They are incapable of seeing how their actions have an affect on others.

      An extreme selfishness is the result. They might ‘cop’ to being this way, but if they are a 10 on the scale, they likely see themselves as a 4.

      Nice recognition and excellent subject matter. I needed that.

    3. Just a Man
      August 13, 2013 at 3:48 am

      We all label people to much in life and none of us know what happened in its entirety with people’s situations. I could and did call her one and she most likely I and we both had traits that may have even put us in that category. Love makes us do so many things we would never normally say or do and for me love is still what makes this world a place we call home. I had seen professional help and they were deemed to be one and yet they most likely say someone too. It’s all in perspective or am I wrong? At the end of the day I did become bitter and angry, lost as well. A man who knew not who he was anymore for what happened and yet it is up to us to get back on the “horse”. I don’t label any except myself a man who lost his love. nothing more or less. Have a great day.

    4. author
      August 13, 2013 at 7:28 am

      I’m sorry to those of you who can identify with this kind of pain. Personally, the one emotion I continue to feel is anger. Soon I will hopefully feel complete indifference. Good luck to you.

    5. author
      August 13, 2013 at 4:19 pm

      @just a man- a narc is a narc is a narc. There is no labelling people if they are proven to be one. Just like if I’m diabetic, or have a learning disability, someone can truly be a narcissist. Your arguments between you and she do not apply here.

    6. @authoor
      August 13, 2013 at 6:59 pm

      Wow I do agree with what you say as this is getting to much for even me. I feel silly now you have pointed this out. I hope you aren’t her having a dig as the dis-stress she caused me brought on diabetes within me…funny that at my age and fitness level. A complete shock. Anyhows I hope you aren’t as I most definitely don’t have a learning disability as that would be more than rude it would be say much of your character as I take offense at you now labelling diabetes! An how does many prove I say to you as I could say many people have these tendencies even diagnosed if they went to see someone. My tendencies were brought on through that dis-stress and depression from a parent dying & her abandoning me when you think a partner is meant to be there for you, whatever, which many a professional will say many things come out that aren’t the normal you. Fuck I learned the hard way she even cost me my job which was so wrong & un-necessary! I should have been mad yet I wasn’t I felt sad for who she revealed herself to be, so yes I’m sorry for interrupting but I still see this all so common on blogs now full stop. There has been such an explosion of “toxicity” in relationships for example. No wonder people have a greater chance of separation. Well enough from me as the diabetes topic has got me going thanks to you. PS I have been in a 14 year relationship before so I know what it takes. That failed as we both worked for the capitalist dream which I admit fault there for money isn’t everything it is love pure and simple.

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