I loved you so much. I thought that you were going to be the man I married. I trusted you more than I’ve ever trusted anyone. I think that’s why it’s so hard for me to forget about all the shit that happened at the end of our relationship. Somehow you’ve managed to forgive me, or so you say, but I haven’t been able to do the same. I’m sorry for that. I wish I would have tried harder, but I don’t know.. part of me didn’t want to go back. It’s all ego or pride or whatever part of my fucked up personality that won’t allow me to be in a long term, stable, happy, committed relationship. I know that I have fucked up. Royally. I don’t know why I have done the things that I’ve done. I knew they would hurt and I knew they were temporary. I guess I just always hoped you wouldn’t know. Nothing ever filled that emptiness that I’m now convinced I invented with my own imagination.
Fuck this. I don’t know why I’m writing this. I just I miss you. Every. God. Damn. Day. I miss you so much. And I’m sorry.
One day I will be your Peapod again.