#1: You’re so self-absorbed and self-sufficient that you very rarely give people your attention – they have to win it. Because you don’t tend to notice things that are outside your field of immediate reference, to win your attention I either have to be particularly interesting, useful or entertaining (which makes me feel like I’m not worthy of you when I’m just in normal mode), or I have to make you feel guilty by flat out stating that I am in need of your attention (which makes me feel needy and manipulative because I don’t want to force you to do anything that you don’t naturally feel like doing).
If you would only occasionally seek out my company spontaneously over all the other people and things competing for your interest, I would feel satisfied that you care about me and that our friendship is stable and gives us mutual satisfaction. But you never do, so I don’t. I always have to initiate something for you to respond to, and it makes me feel inferior.