• I’ll never forgive myself.

    by  • August 11, 2013 • * Safe for Work *, Lost Love • 1 Comment

    Three years ago, I left you in the most brutal way. You never deserved any of what I subjected you to. I was scared. You weren’t exactly the most stable person to take a leap of faith with. I was scared of moving over 700 miles from my mother, my friends, and my support system. I was immature, insecure, and afraid. I’ve always felt like I didn’t deserve your love. I gave into those emotions, and took the easy way out. What was so easy for me at the time, was the worst thing I could have done to you. I thought that if I could just convince myself I had made the right decision, the memory of you and how much I adored you would fade away with time. I still think about you, and my mistake everyday. And I lay in the bed that I’ve made for myself, wishing I could take it all back. At the time I felt like I needed to explore more of who I was. Since that moment, I have indeed discovered things about myself, my sexuality, and the person I want to be in the future. I’ve realized that the secret to life and love isn’t hooking up with the first person that can take care of you, it’s sticking it out with the one who has always stuck it out with you. I would rather live in uncertainty and destitute with you, that the cold comfort I chose for myself. I still love you. Just as much as I ever had. I hope that when I move to the northwest next spring, fate pulls us back together. I know I have tainted myself for you forever. However, I feel like we’re still cosmically connected. I have hope that you, my soulmate, can look into my eyes and realize that I’m a different person. We’ve always loved each other at different moments in our lives. I want to sync up with you. Once and for all. I promise, I’m a good, decent person now. I can be the girl you’ve always deserved.

    One Response to I’ll never forgive myself.

    1. smile your in love
      August 14, 2013 at 8:22 am

      If you feel bad don’t I won’t be around much longer but thankyou and as lonely as I am you blessed me with somthing very few understand …takecare and shhhh you will be just fine and me a distant memory

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