I don’t know how to start this so I’m just going to say what’s on my mind. Well, I just wanted to first off say that I’m sorry for the way I acted that night. I shouldn’t have blown up but everything from the past year that was bottled up inside me just exploded when you started talking to me. I don’t want to completely put the blame on me, I don’t take back some of the things I said: you did treat me like shit and you did lead me on. But you also said from the beginning that you didn’t want a relationship. I should have backed off. I think I just wanted something so bad that I thought you could give it to me, but I was wrong.
But I didn’t say everything I wanted to say that night because I was drunk and it was four in the morning and I was tired and I thought I was done with you. Why did you come up to me that night if you never cared about me? I know you lied when you said you never cared about me, and I don’t know if that made me hate you more because you lied to me or because I knew you moved on. And it was two months and all of spring term of you talking and flirting with me and leading me on. It wasn’t just a one time thing with you and me! This entire year I’ve been putting up with you! I told you I liked you, and even though you don’t remember, you said I love you back to me, so if you think I’m buying this “we only hung out twice” shit, you’re wrong. If you never wanted a relationship with me then why did you say, “let’s give us a shot?” So don’t think that I was this love struck idiot who had her head up in the clouds.
And that other night meant something to me! I know you said you were trying to say how you don’t want a relationship and how I’ll find a guy, but if you thought of me as just a friend, then I wouldn’t have slept in your arms in your bed all night. You wouldn’t have kissed me. Do all your girl “friends” sleep in your arms with you?! I was never just a friend to you and if you think I’m buying that shit, you’re wrong on that as well. If you didn’t care about me at all, then I wouldn’t have slept in your bed with your arms wrapped around me all night. I thought I was over you, but that night changed everything for me.
And one last thing that really pisses me off. I am really sorry about your girlfriend, I really am, but she’s been gone for 9 years. 9 years! And I’m sure when you’re making out with some random chick that you took home with you from the bar, you aren’t thinking about your dead girlfriend from 9 years ago. When you mentioned her for the fourth time to me, it almost sounded like you were making her an excuse not to be in a committed relationship. If you are still hung up on her and you’re not playing her like a card, then you need to seriously think about how she made your life better for you, and how you can live your life without her. If you don’t let her go, you’ll be living in the past and have no future to look forward to. I’m not saying don’t forget about her. She was an important part of your life. But if you hold on to her, you won’t be able to have a life that you can call your own.
I want to stop hating you, I really do, but you hurt me more than any person has ever hurt me and I don’t know if that hatred will ever go away. The time we spent together, you treated me like shit, and there’s no one that can be your excuse for acting like you cared about me and then stepping all over me. Sometimes I say I wish I never met you, but after you, I’m not letting any guy treat me like shit or walk all over me again. People come into your life for a reason, and I think you gave me a backbone to stand up for myself. I’m finally standing up for myself.
P.S. and the 3:30 am “Babe” texts every weekend for a good solid month in a half really helped your “we’re just friends; I’m not a douchebag” cause. Not. Oh and that’s another thing. I wanted to tell you this way before spring term, but I’m not one of your slut friends that you can call when you’re drunk and horny. I’m not some puppy dog that will be at your beck and call. If you don’t want a relationship with me, then I’m not your “babe.” Man-whore.