• If I ever leave this world alive

    by  • August 10, 2013 • Doubt • 0 Comments

    I wrote you an angry thingy, but I’m not going to send it. I want to treat you gently. Still, I’m going to say exactly what I mean and pour out my feelings here in letter form. You deserve the full truth and the full force of my emotions. I want to be completely open and honest with you, so here are the things that are going through my head:

    Listening to this song would make me cry almost every single time. I was going to say it doesn’t now, but sure as fuck it does.

    I feel so fucking alone. I mean fuck.

    Why do you fix me and break me over and over again? Why do you leave me shaken and unable to breathe? Did I make a mistake in letting you have this power? Did I ever even have a choice?

    I’m tired of turning metaphorical cartwheels and actual cartwheels and making failed cartwheel attempts in inappropriate places. So tired.

    I don’t regret it often, but this is one of the times I think about taking off the ring. And then I realize I can’t. And it breaks me. I want to hate it. I want to hate you. It would be so much easier. Why does it have to be so fucking hard?

    Maybe this is my fault.

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