I feel so confused… You told me not to contact you so I didn’t even as much as I wanted to I respected what you wanted. Ive grown up a lot now and have come a long way, but now part of me is confused as you keep appearing out of the blue and I don’t know what you want from me.. I really wanted to stay in contact with you and I still hold out the hope of some day that you’ll contact me whether it be that you see me in 10 years time or some day you call me and ask me about how I’ve been, what I’m doing..
But I know that’s just way more than wishful thinking because, even after everything that’s happened you haven’t tried to contact me and I know that I was wrong for some of the things that I said but I was just so desperate to talk to you, have a conversation with you, I was also under the impression at first that you wanted that to. I looked up to you so much! And part of me still does I’ve took everything you’ve taught me and applied it. I know that you may look at me and think silly little girl that makes mistakes. I’m not going to lie to you I do make mistakes and I have learnt a lot from everything that I’ve done. Tbh though i really don’t know what you think of me maybe its better that i don ‘t. I’m really trying my best. I’m not always going to make the right choices, but I just want you to know that if you do care about me at all or you do want to contact me or are even considering it please just do it, please just stop messing me around and playing games. Whenever I go out on my own I always hope that I’ll see you so then we can sort things out. I often think maybe I’m just being ridiculous and need to get over it, but at the same time I think but I really looked up to you, you made me believe in myself and that makes me feel so hopeful that someday things will change. I’m not asking for the world I just want to talk to you, but I don’t want you to unless at least part of you wants to talk to me.. I will always be thankful for everything you’ve done for me but hey you know that already. I hope one day we talk or at least smile at one another again. Sincerely J.