• Dear Zach, (Round Two)

    by  • August 7, 2013 • Friends • 0 Comments

    It’s probably stupid to write you this letter, when it’s not so ridiculous to talk to you in person. I mean, yeah, we’re in some weirdness right now, but were still friends, right? I guess it’s just me thinking too much. alone. and assuming you’re not thinking at all about us. Which of course is amazingly frustrating. The truth is I like you, but not nearly as much as I think I do. I mean, I really like spending time with you. There’s no doubt about that. And sometimes when I hang out with you, it’s just like YES know? Maybe you don’t agree, maybe you do. But I think if we were going to be really honest, if I was going to be really honest, I think I’d know that it’s not as serious as I’m making it. Yes, I’m into you, and yes, I genuinely care about you. but I don’t think this could ever work. I mean with the flirting and the millions of girl friends. I just can’t do it due. I don’t want to be the whiny bitch who gets jealous and yells at you when I’m drunk because you’re flirting. I really really cannot handle being that girl, and I know for a fact it would ruin us. I just want you in my life, and I am really ok with it just being as flirty friends. And the fact that I’m willing to sacrifice hooking up with you, just goes to show the hooking up can;t be that great right? Let’s be honest. And what the hell is with the prude act with hooking up? I don’t want to get crazy, but come on. You’re a 19 year old boy and after knowing each other for over a year, we can’t cross 2nd base? Seriously? Whatever I’m not going to get into it because I know I’ll sound like a petty bitch and with all this stupid shit I’m going through with that stuff I would just sound stupid. Whatever. Not important. At the end of the day, I guess it really doesn’t matter whether you hooked up with blondie on Facebook. And me hooking up with Will at Lolla doesn’t make me feel any better about it. That’s just the facts. and the drunken crying that night just goes to show that this is not gunna work out. I don’t want to be with someone who I know doesn’t want to be with me. And to be honest, I have a lot of shit to work out right now, and I know that dragging you into it right now would ruin us, and I really don’t want to ruin us. Yes, it sucks that I’m one of your side chicks, but I’d honestly rather be a platonic side chick than stress all the time about all these other girls and friends in your life that I simply can’t compete with. You’re my best guy friend, which is embarrassing to admit, because I know I’m not your best girl friend. We are just too different. But were young right now, and being young is about flirting with other girls and figuring out who I am, and having a good friend like you to just hang out with. And I’m not totally cool with it yet, because yes, it does still piss me off to see you with other girls. But I’m finally realizing that I deserve better than that. Which may sound stupid, but I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t make me feel special. And sometimes you do, don’t get me wrong, but I’m not a priority to you. Which is ok right now Jesus christ I’m not trying to bake you I’m not saying you’re doing anything wrong. Thats just not how you feel about me. We’re gucci. I just want to stay friends with you. I just want to be myself around you and not wonder all the time what we are. Maybe a couple years down the line, hopefully we stay friends and we can try this whole thing again. But right now I’m just prioritizing staying friends and giving us a shot to have that some time down the line, if we ever want it, and that can’t happen if we fuck it all up now because I’m crazy and you’re stupid and we have too much shit to work out. And I’m probably going to be back and orth and hurt and doubtful about this for a couple more months. (cant wait) but I just wanted to say that I appreciate you in my life. And I want you to stay there, in any way I can keep you there. Have a fun year in college, I’m sure I’ll see you around. Try to think of me every now and again. Love you. In a purely platonic way right now. As a friend.

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