Waiting for the day when we can be together is long, slow torture. I cannot think of anything else except the day when you will let me lay next to you and wake up beside you in the morning. My mind is never far from it. The way that I adore you… my mom says it’s not right. My grandmother says it’s not right. I can’t help it. I can’t stop it. I’m powerless to stop it. I don’t even want to stop it anymore. I spent so long fighting it that I know it will not fade, no matter what I do. No matter what you do.
I am still trying to figure out how long this has been going on. If it is as long as I am beginning to suspect, then I have no call to ask you what I am no doubt going to ask you over and over before the night is through. I need you now. I need to be with you. Waiting to prove a point about proving points seems so pointless. I don’t know if I can do it without you. I suspect that I can (clumsily, impatiently, and forgetfully), but I am not eager to find out. As I said, it seems pointless. It seems pointless to even ask, given what you said to me, but I have to try. It is something I need so desperately. The only thing I need from you is everything.
I can wait to kiss you. I can wait to fuck you. These things can wait until our wedding day if they truly must. I do not know if I can wait to be together. As for holding you every night… I will wait, of course, if you require it, but it hurts so much. Must I wait for that as well? If you say that I must, then it is the last you will hear of it aloud. The rest of the details do not matter to me at all. Not in the slightest. As long as you are there with me it does not matter where or how. I suppose when does not matter too terribly much in the grand scheme of things, but it matters to me. Urgently. Insistently. I guess what I’m saying is that I can wait if it is truly required, but it is so difficult, so painful. I beg you not to make me wait longer than you deem necessary. And I pray that it will be sometime soon.