Two months ago, you got married to Serenity. I’m happy for you, I really am. But two months ago I also realized how hurt I was at what you did. When you first got engaged, Serenity asked me to be a bridesmaid. I replied that I would like to, but I was unsure if I would be able to. I had to go to my internship, and I didn’t know if I could get away. The moment I got notice from the offer the center made to me for the internship, I automatically asked if I could leave for that Saturday to see your wedding. I told you I was able to come.
Then you told me that you didn’t need me to be in the wedding anymore. That you cut back on the wedding party. I understand your reasoning, I really do. But you made my brother your best man. Her oldest daughter was her maid of honor, and the youngest, the flower girl. Me? I wasn’t anything.
Do you know how upset I was? I sat up front at your wedding, taking care to change and play the music at the right times. Her FAMILY pointed at me, asking who I WAS and why I sat up front. You took your wedding pictures and Nathan was in MOST of them because he was the best man. But me, I was in three. Her parents were confused as to whether or not I was supposed to be in the pictures because they weren’t clear on whether or not I was actually in the wedding party. I was the only one not wearing a matching dress to the other girls. I looked out of place and I most CERTAINLY felt out of place. I walked away from the reception before anyone could catch me crying. I went into the garden behind the camp and called my mom. My REAL mom.
Never have I ever wanted so badly to go crying to my mom and stepdad like a hurt child.
The only reason I ended up signing as a witness to your marriage is because NATHAN SUGGESTED IT. Nathan was the only one who cared to notice how upset I was. He saw me leave, and he knew I was gone for like an hour. He was the one who came and got me from the garden. Otherwise, he would have been a witness. Nathan and your side of the family are the only reason I stayed sane at that stupid wedding.
I’m never accepting she and her family as my family. She is anything but my mother. She, unlike my stepdad, DIDN’T RAISE ME. I didn’t grow up with her children like I did Sean and Kevin. They’re only people I know, related to one of my relatives. My dad and his wife. That’s what you two are.
I really feel like you’ve forgotten about me. Like you have forgotten that I’m your first child, and you don’t even care. Nathan this, Nathan that. You two are a lot alike. I’m not always like you. Sometimes I’m like mom. Is that such a bad thing? Every time we see each other now, you and Nathan bond more than you and I.
Two and a half years ago you moved away. Two and a half years ago I felt like I would never see you again. Two years ago, when you started dating Serenity, I felt like you went out of your way to see her more than your own children. You drove from Indiana to Ohio to put together a playset for her 10 year old daughter. You saw her and her daughters every weekend. And us? You couldn’t drive to Illinois and you hadn’t seen us for at least 9 months. I really only get to see you once a year, and I never even hear from you. I try calling when I can, but you never call. You used to always call.
I defended you over and over again. Every time someone spoke poorly of you, I always stood up for you. We used to have fun together. Nana told me that I was always your favorite, but it honestly has no meaning to me. Because it certainly doesn’t seem like I ever cross your mind at all.
If I would have known that my growing up meant drifting apart from my own father, I would rather have failed everything I did so I couldn’t grow up so quickly.
One day I’m going to tell you all of this, and I want to be able to not cry while I let you know that you hurt me so much when you meant the world to me.
I know you didn’t mean to, but it hurts too much. Is it so bad that I wish things could be like they used to be?
Your [only] daughter