• Maybe I am too forgiving.

    by  • August 5, 2013 • Depression • 0 Comments

    Should I start from the beginning? With the so called love and stuff? Or skip ahead to the when the bullshit started?

    Beginning: God I relive this night sometimes, three weeks of talking one time met and we hung around each other at school, never made a move cause I knew you had a girlfriend. Well this night I went up to you house to hang out friend shit, not even starting friendish. You opened the door picked me up and carried me to the couch, we watched both The Things cuddling the whole time and when they ended you went up stairs to change, I follwed and things got dirty best to say. You’re bed with just me and you and after we finshed I knew I didn’t want but needed you. You were perfect everything I asked for without even looking. This went on for at least two weeks before you dumped you girlfriend, why did I even keep going on helping you cheat…
    After she was gone we fished that year or school only to find out you had to move two hours away. We spent the summer I guess living together but you didn’t like that I had friends come over and hangout, so you moved away. Neither of us could drive so we got rides once in awhile.
    When school started you made new friends and one I hated she flirted with you and I wanted her gone, so like anyone else I got jelly, you got mad; fight. Something happened you got mad blamed me fight this went on and on and on. You got your license and drove to see me almost everyday fighting stopped. Everything was happy and love again.

    When it started for good: You came out and told me your a furry, awesome I loved the idea. You didn’t like that I liked it. You started yiffing with girls on facebook, right in front of me to make it better I flipped shit. Sexting that’s all it was. You promised me you stopped, I belived it.
    A couple days after thanksgiving you have a text on your phone I look, something along the lines of I love you too can’t wait to see you, completly lost it I locked myself in the bathroom and cut my arm wide open by the time you got the door open you were crying saying sorry and said you blocked her never will talk to her again, what’d I do belived it and took it.
    Everything good I guess you could say. Made new fur friends in our area you loved then as I was getting use to them they filled you head with shit about me that I was toxic.
    We went on vaction down to Flordia first thing you start ignoring me facebook is more important I am going to think that your cheating flip shit fight, not even boyfriend girlfriend when we were down there for the rest of the week. We got back you need a break, I know you flirted and cheated.
    One last fight, and done.

    A couple months later: I wanted to talk to you, got ahold of you apoligizes said and taken. Well you had a boyfriend and so did I, didn’t really stop us once again, you came over we banged and kept talking, one more time you came over spent the night and left my phone broke a couple days later we kind of stopped talking, but as we left it we could date again.
    With in that week you broke up with your boyfriend ruined a engaged couple and now dating your ‘bestfriend’ that doesn’t happen in a week. You thought I would be fine with it. You lead me on, and stupied enough I’m forgiving you. I shouldn’t. I really shouldn’t, but I fucking love you with all my heart still and you played me.

    Now: You messed with my head so much now I don’t eat I try and can’t I throw up every time food touched my mouth. I’m nauses twenty four seven I can’t sleep I feel so sick, and better yet no one helps I get told the same thing every time “Shouldn’t have done it then.” My pills have stopped working I have to go back in to all these depression programs.
    And you? You sit here telling me we can still be friends I love you still you just need to be happy with someone else. You really fucking think that helps? Really you know my past better then anyone reading thing. You think the scars are liking that anwser my constant suicide thoughts like it? Cause I can tell you this as I wait for you to text me back,
    I am too forgiving.

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