• Stranger than fiction

    by  • August 4, 2013 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 12 Comments

    Our story was weird wasn’t it? I used to think of it in a positive manner but the good parts have begun to fade. I don’t know if you took for granted that I’d always be there, if you’ve changed into an insensitive person, or just in denial.

    You wanted me and then you pushed me away. When I said no more you tried once more but lied about your motives. I got upset and you treated me like I was the one confusing you. I don’t play games and was disappointed in what transpired. I want you to know I didn’t displace anything on you. It had everything to do with us.

    I recall the last conversation we had where you seemed like yourself. You apologized in this desperate way; almost like you knew this other (bad)side of you was going to come out and you were running out of time. Ever since you were really erratic. Your behavior affected me until I became erratic myself. I shouldn’t have become so reactionary. It only gave you more excuses.

    Somewhere inside you know the truth. And if you don’t yet you will. I know at least that much of you hasn’t changed. I’m sorry things didn’t work out to where we could still be contact, but I needed to let myself be happy. It all just became too much; a really bad feeling that was all too familiar and dark.

    What happened to you? I hope you remember some of the important things we talked about. I hope you learn from them as I continue to do so as well. Keep fighting for yourself. But pick your battles carefully and remember not to take for granted the people who care. That’s all that really matters you know. Not who has the “power”, who was right or wrong, or the stupid things fear/anger/confusion “makes” us do.

    Best wishes

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    12 Responses to Stranger than fiction

    1. I Wish...M you'd OPen Your Eyes
      August 4, 2013 at 1:19 pm

      My heart was so drawn to what you have wrote Ms M,

      Yes I was desperate as I knew the longer this separation lasted the greater the chance we would not be what we once both were…soul-mates & desired to be more as man & wife.

      Yes I know & admitted all my truths…did you though & can you honestly say so? We both had bad sides yes, & I will still say it was so unfair of you as he was dying…you can say all you want there but nothing in the word compares to a parent dying. Yes I was wrong in the way I treated you as you me but it was only a 4 months of living hell for me and then you would have seen me able to let him go, grieve and grow once more….pure and simple. nothing more or less. Why do you always have to sound like the pure “I’m sorry please forgive me etc…” You never really tried M, I mean that why so much sincerity it’s not funny…Do you think it would not have been easier to say loving words to whoo your ear?

      No I said hard truths….How do you think life long relationships work and you saw me at my lowest with my dad, you forget the majority of the times we had nothing but awesome fun? Say I’m wrong, you cant say we didn’t….that’s why I have persisted for so long, do you think I’d normally send myself this crazy over a woman? The ore time we spent together the happier you were, then when I gave you time apart you reverted back to your “party lifestyle” with certain friends?

      I hate saying this I really do, if they are mainly taken I bet this is why you now wish to settle? Is Tasha taken, out of all she was the only one that always split us every time? See how venerable I am saying that name, I’m not silly as I’ve just handed you ammo & you can have it as I won’t give up until…..sadly shortly as I will accept it then:(

      Nothing happened to me but you abandoning me when I needed my partner most! That is the truth and yet initially yes I did as you said and left you be as I was the dumpee. All I did was do what your wanted me to do, become enlightened and a busy man again which I am. How was I know to come back as you said you no longer loved me remember? Your dad was their, how was I meant to feel then? You even lied that Saturday night before. I don’t care about anything else but you as I do trust you still, maybe I’m fool yet this fool loves you so much. If this is wrong why have we both been on here back and forth non stop? This is not normal is it not? To me it shows me you still do love me as I you. Why it’s getting hard is this isn’t real and we can’t physically connect and I’m not talking about sex/love making but actually holding each other and talking to each other and listening(that’s where I went wrong just as most males do)

      See how you still blaming me once more:( What happened to me? No what happened to you & I is you tslked to your friends and not me about how to grow and solve our problems? Yes I didn’t compose myself those few times yet what you said hurt me. I felt like a knife had gone through my heart those times, I didn’t show it. Where we went wrong is so simple…..We didn’t communicate properly, honestly and actually sit down, listen to why and how, when to each other, say how we felt and what we wanted the other to try and do for it to make us smile again. I tried so many times to talk to you but you always shut down every time….Your going to think I’m once more picking on you but I’m not M, You talked to everyone but me who was your partner……that is the crux of it so to blame me totally or even the majority is incorrect….you were never available really. And here I am stil in love just like the day we met….Get that! I live you girl and we can still be if YOU wish it to be…I’m working so hard now so I can be the man any woman would want. You seem to actually have or forget what we didn’t talk about not as you said what we talked about. And no none of this is a battle, nor a game this is love pure and simple to me and once more I will say this which you will use against me you just said it yourself a battle, fighting etc….you don’t understand what love is really about otherwise you wouldn’t have been like this? Fuck me, by me telling the truth I am still only getting you to have more disdain for me when all I’m doing is revealing the truths…..why then do you right on a God like site complete affection yet here you hate me? No wonder I’m lost….

      Well I can do no more and its in your “court” and I know what you’ll choose by your actions and words…That’s so sad you know as you will regret that later in life I promise you just as I will sorely miss you. It was never me why we are now where we are not one bit…..It has always been up to you as my love was always and I say always yours. And every time I write like this to you back nothing not an answer, every time or you speak cryptically saying not she yet then saying words that only you and I know:) funny bugger. Well I am wearing a brand new suit when we meet next so you have one last good memory of me. I was going to fight it you know and still can even now, yet I wont as that’s my last departing gift to you my love.

      I truly waited for you unlike you and even that doesn’t bother me as all I want is you un my arms………………I have never forgiven stuff like that before so that’s saying something as you’d be the first I’ve ever ever even thought or wanted to go back to. There’s millions of women just as there are men and I can have many yet I have eyes for only one & you know I mean that otherwise why am I here.




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    2. author
      August 4, 2013 at 10:33 pm

      I am not her. Thank God.




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    3. Eeks
      August 5, 2013 at 10:11 am

      This story is all too familiar to me, best of luck with yours author. I dont see a happy ending in my future, just a settling for what I have. Content but not truly happy. Sucks.




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    4. author
      August 5, 2013 at 11:38 pm

      @Eeks – well sorry to hear that, but I actually feel bad for the one you think you are settling for. Sometimes the one we think we are merely settling for is the one who ends up being the real true love.




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    5. Jimmy ConHers
      August 6, 2013 at 1:54 am

      This is better than the matches I had with McEnroe.

      Only one plays dirty pool. Back and forth.

      Back and forth. No honor.

      It’s despicable.

      I’m the ref. I see everything

      Man up, big shot. Buy the ring.




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    6. author
      August 6, 2013 at 10:19 am

      @Jimmy ConHers – I’m not a man, and I have a ring I wear proudly and faithfully (always have, always will). Ref, you’ve got the wrong sport.




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    7. Eeks
      August 6, 2013 at 4:52 pm

      Believe me I do too. But maybe they are my true love(as you also pointed out), which is why I am still in it. Confusing…

      If the other person did have feelings for me, I took for granted that they would be there when I was done assessing my other situation. I shouldnt have done that to them. We were friends.

      I am giving this person the space they asked for. I will have to accept if they move on. I really just want them to be happy, even if it is at the cost of my own.




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    8. Eeks
      August 6, 2013 at 4:52 pm

      Believe me I do too. But maybe they are my true love(as you also pointed out), which is why I am still in it. Confusing…

      If the other person did have feelings for me, I took for granted that they would be there when I was done assessing my other situation. I shouldnt have done that to them. We were friends.

      I am giving this person the space they asked for. I will have to accept if they move on. I really just want them to be happy, even if it is at the cost of my own.




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    9. @Eeks
      August 6, 2013 at 11:46 pm

      I am the man who first responded to the author who still is but a fool who blindly has been reaching out in the feint hope of resurrected what I have always wanted with her. If that is you know it is not I to some of the comments you’ve responded to in a hurtful way as I do understand why you do so & understandably. I’m finding out there is someone who is a troll like creature who knows us both to well, lets say under six degrees of separation who is driving a wedge between what may have been a feint glimmer of hope which is tearing us apart. They are even speaking like me! It’s as if they knew my thoughts or have access to my PC or journal. I’ve been at work when certain things have been said! I realise you won’t believe that yet it is true. I’m cursed I tell you as I might as well wear a jesters hat & stand in the corner. Why would I bring up something I admit I said so long go? To win your heart? What good will it be saying all that stuff from the past. I’ve been working 14-17 hour days so it’s not if I can be on the net all day. Today I have as I’m having a day off. I even submitted a letter today which is how I really feel yet I’ll most likely just smile and laugh as a jester does. All I want is you yet I problaly am mistaken & being a fool once more.




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    10. blue
      August 7, 2013 at 3:00 am

      Screw you, and your screwed up ways…how is it seriously whats it like ? Funny when I had the chance to screw u over as I was supposed to …i didn’t and there u are miss innocent and all grown up you love god and are a christian….poetry my dear old …..memory




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    11. author
      August 7, 2013 at 10:40 am

      @Blue – sure as hell hope you are not talking to me AGAIN. I’m not nor have I ever been religious. You are an abusive little gnat aren’t you?




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    12. Eeks
      August 8, 2013 at 10:42 am

      I dont believe you are my person. I dont believe he would be spelling realize, realise.




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