You make me laugh when you can’t understand where my anger comes from now. The reason why you say you want to get past issues quickly is because you are in denial about what you do to other people. Yet when someone supposedly crosses you, you have no problem holding a grudge. It usually leads to passive-agressive behavior on your part when you don’t get your way.
Just some of the things I can recall that came flooding back to me are:
1) One time you were berating me for answers about my feelings. I was sitting on your bed and you were yelling at me as though I were a child. I became silent so I didn’t make the situation escalate. You called your best buddy at the time and told him to come over because you didn’t want me there until I “opened up” to you. You then proceeded to physically pull me out of your apartment telling me that you couldn’t trust me because I wasn’t talking right then. I didn’t even have my car there so you knew I was stranded. I had to sit outside your apartment while I was trying to figure out how to get home. It was only when your buddy said he didn’t want to come over under those circumstances that you wanted me back in the house. When you realized how out of line you were you wanted me to forget what happened.
2) We had planned a trip together that I had been excited about for months. We had been arguing prior and I thought it was unhealthy and a sign of co-dependency in myself. When I tried to talk to you about it, and showed you a book that interested me, you said you weren’t going on the trip. It was only 36 hours before our flight when you bailed. That was my punishment. I should have just gone by myself but I became so depressed I spent the week we were supposed to be on vacation in bed.
3) During one of our fights you took my eyeglasses hostage knowing I had no other way “to see”. You told me you were going to break them if I didn’t do xyz.
4) During another one of our fights you threatened to help my ex take my son away. I was never a bad mother and you just wanted to hurt me in the worst way. When I told you to go ahead because it was lies and I knew you were an asshole, you immediately relented with “sorries”.
5) When I lost my job you didn’t agree with the new job I chose to take. My choice of job had to do with the convenience of hours so that I could be there for my child. But you saw it as something bad against you because you didn’t agree. You broke up with me. I don’t know why I was devastated. I should have known I was better off. Even then I knew you had a serious control and abuse issue. But I was stupid and cried and wanted you back so bad. After weeks of you treating me like shit and you finally saying there was no way we’d ever be together again, I left you alone. Two fucking weeks later when I was beginning to feel better you called me wanting me back. You had no problem showing up to my job then so we could get back together. My friends couldn’t believe I’d take you back. I only found out later it was because the woman you were dating dumped you after only a month.
You have a memory of convenience. You said I was good at bringing you back down to earth. How’s that for reality? See, that’s what’s funny about coping mechanisms and trauma. I forgot all about these things soon after they occurred because it hurt so much. But now that the time has passed your actions towards me in the present day brought all this back. Do you get it now?