What a day yesterday.
Since all the events that have happened this cyclonic type year which mind you has been one I’d rather not have again or ever repeat any of the mistakes I made which has been quite a few.
I can honestly say I have learnt more from the emotional hardships and losses that I co-created & others which were just outside of my control which I look upon as a important lesson in life to make me stronger for my future partner. The old partner was interesting to say the least, no she was amazing actually and I don’t know how it all got so out of hand and where it now is…I miss that woman who always knew what to say, made me feel wanted, her voice when she rang…..You’ll laugh, the way in which she said hellooooooo! One word & yet a powerful memory. See the thing for me is yes I’m attracted to beautiful women, why not as I have high standards & am a good looking man.
Yet beauty only is the initial chemistry where you first meet. For me it was when we first talked for hours at a time for the first two weeks before we met, to have such a connection like that with someone you haven’t yet met was amazing!
Imagine the first date, now that was a date a block buster movie would have had difficulty recreating such was the spontaneous fun filled action packed evening. Even at dinner she made me giggle as she complained the Thai dish wasn’t on the menu…As I then couldn’t help but say we’re in a Vietnamese restaurant. To the cocktails I has especially made that weren’t on the list at the jazz club, we were like teenagers who couldn’t keep each others hands off each other, I think I wore the skin of my juicy big lips that night lol, every person in that club was envious of us as we were in hysterics & the love at first site was plain to see which they would have thought we were an old couple in love.
After so much persistence on my behalf as I was overwhelmed & under your spell of M, we even went back to yours, yes this man wanted you badly yet as he didn’t believe in sex on a first date as a golden rule…we luckily succumbed to our desires the next evening! I didn’t leave your house for three whole days!!! I will never forget that as we laid in bed nearly that entire time to only eat, shower together, making love that was out of this world as the match of a Scorpio male & a Pisces goddess was the most sensually intense experience I have ever encountered & WOW it brought ona new meaning for me. One of a higher connection between two souls entwined as one, sex was nothing compared to what we shared & I take my hat off to her for I wont have just sex again with another woman, I will wait till I fall in love and have the connection that once more, God does it drive me insane being a highly sexually charged man, its the “hardest” hehe thing I’ve ever done to think with my first brain not my second. I have so many “new female friends” & I know many of them think I’m a challenge they’ll conquer yet they are wasting their time as I’m not like that anymore.
I’ve changed on so many levels in so many aspects of who I am I proud of who I now am & yet I’m scared as being a spiritual man now my senses are so enlightened you ma say that I can more than read people I sense their o]inner most thoughts & I’ve asked them & have been proved right time and time again-like the movie “What Women Want”. I’ve even got 5 female neighbours who keep dropping by, it makes me laugh….Most men only dream to have so many women constantly & I’m not on any dating site, around and yet there’s me wanting the one woman I want/love who’ all but distant to me(yes she is here)gone.
Except for the one woman who has a me pushing myself to my limits…working 12-16 days, so much exercise I never stop now &n I will not low down till I reconnect with her which I want nothing else or if I have to meet a woman who I’ll befriend first before we entwine with each other as I’ve learnt now that way I’ll learn whether we are compatible without falling in lust, learn what we desire as I’m so open and honest as I’d wish them to be to, by being able to say how I feel right here right now, then there is no self created ‘monkey madness” when we start to think shit that doesn’t really exist. I’ve being dong this with my platonic friends and WOW, I wish I learnt this at school! I still am holding out for the faith I have that it may be possible no matter how slim the chance is as that is how much this woman means to me-everything.
The trail is fading day by day which is life not that I like it yet it is what it is, this year has been my best and worst year all tied uo as one you may say. It has been a year of losses & only now am I starting to smile when I look back at some these sad moment we had which were literally inky 5 or so disagreements over a year. Not bad in my green eyes that always reflected in hers as mine did hers? The number one way you can tell if you love a person a you wont see your own reflection in their eyes if you dint love them.