Why can’t I just love you? Why did we have to go through all of that? Why did I have to meet you? Am I really supposed to just move on? Cognitive dissonance says this is a good time to convince myself that you would have been no good for me anyway, that you would have left your family so we could be together and we would have figured out that we were incompatible. That what kept our attraction alive and strong was the impossibleness of it all, the unattainable, the taboo. I even KNOW all of this. YOU know all of this. Right? It wouldn’t have worked, right? Yes, my impulsiveness is attractive to you. But, totally unsustainable. Yes, I love how you love to debate EVERYBODY with your giant ego aflame but, gawd! you’re such a jerk! There are so many things that wouldn’t work, right? Ugh! Then why. won’t. you. fade. away. Why do I still have intense dreams about you? Why do I still look for you everywhere? Is a year not enough time? Will it be two years? Five? Will I die wondering what you and I could have been? My heart genuinely aches at the thought of that. A sadness that is wet with mold. My brain thinks I’m an idiot. My heart is convinced we will have our time, that nothing can keep us from it.