• A Connection That Beats Ours? Not Possible.

    by  • August 2, 2013 • * Safe for Work *, Moving On • 28 Comments

    I don’t even think I was ever in love now. I was just obsessed with a connection I had with someone, a connection that makes old crushes seem like nothing at all and I haven’t had any other crushes since them. Being around this person and looking into their eyes was like the world stopped for a few seconds. I was impacted hard by a bomb of a strong connection I’ve never had with anyone else before, not like that anyway! It was like the universe was pulling us together and when ours eyes met, that was it. No words were needed. We just knew each other’s hearts. And silly me, I thought I had more time…but I missed out on my chances. Now I’m just really rediculous still obsessing. Not stalkerishly, I just like to reminise quite a bit. Although I’ve learned so much about who I am through meeting this person and it’s so hard to imagine who I’d be without their impact, as it did unleash some hidden treasures about myself, I know I need to let it be. I don’t think it’s healthy to try and act as if it never happened…I just need to stop obsessing. I hope someone amazing comes into my life and makes that other person look like a pipsqueak compared to them. That’s what it’s gonna take. But I’d also like to try again with that person if ever that were possible. I’d much prefer that…even if they can just let me down so hard that I realize how better off I am without them…
    Sincerely, Obsessed

    28 Responses to A Connection That Beats Ours? Not Possible.

    1. Maybe it's just me, but
      August 2, 2013 at 1:16 pm

      This does not sound like moving on. Can you not give it another shot with this person?

      Personally, I spent a long time pining for one person and nothing has ever changed that. Fighting the current did me no good. Now I’m hoping that going with the current will bring us together.

      Your situation may very well be different, but it sounds so similar.

    2. tricia
      August 2, 2013 at 1:22 pm

      This is sad. I am hopeful for you though. I can relate to this.. I am hanging onto that.. “one day” thought also.. Best of luck!

    3. S
      August 2, 2013 at 1:38 pm

      These are my thoughts too. I could not have expressed it better.

    4. True connections are hard to sever if real
      August 2, 2013 at 3:54 pm

      Some people have real connections it’s true. But it usually involves having a real relationship with the other person. If you are just talking about a crush, it’s just that. It can easily be explained by either a chemistry between two people or what romantics like to call “love at first sight”. That’s just fantasy.

    5. Moon
      August 2, 2013 at 4:18 pm

      I always think of you and hoping that you’d get in touch. It’s been a decade of friendship and I sincerely value you.

    6. Obsessed
      August 2, 2013 at 5:47 pm

      Oh I understand obsession I have been on that boat for some years now. But I don’t want to feel this way ever again for anybody else for as long as I live. Nope. No more. Once in a lifetime is enough for me. I have barely survived it. Barely. I don’t think my life will ever be the same again.

      I wish you the best author perhaps yours will have a happy ending.

      Another Obsessed.

    7. Not Author@ true connection are hard to sever.
      August 2, 2013 at 7:42 pm

      You’re wrong about saying so boldly what you said. I have a connection (whether one way street or two) with someone that I have not had a “relationship” with. Yes, we know each other but were not what I would consider friends… Complex situation I will not continue on in mentioning.. Anyway, my point is… I have experienced this connection the author is writing about so it is in fact something that can and does happen. Just because you yourself have not experienced it and maybe one day you will but that doesn’t mean that it is just “fantasy.” An a opinion is understandable however, a “matter of fact attitude,” is truly annoying. I’ve had ppl tell me how I was” really” feeling when they were way off. read and comment if you like but don’t tell someone that its not how they feel.

    8. No More Dreaming
      August 2, 2013 at 8:23 pm

      Yeah well I’m so sorry to…..or I was waiting for someone who I now was just teasing the shit out of me even today so they can get fucked I’ve decided. I waited and waited like all the other usual fools on here(no offense to any as I know what it feels like). I went to Five Bar last night with some women I know & since I’ve put myself n the market I’ve realised I’ve always been `the man & she was nothing but…….exactly there’s no words for a void of nothing. Oh a dime a dozen and why would I not go for younger women when I’m quite the dashing man. Never again am I being fooled by someone who’;s life is one big lie! ?Why do we waste our time on ppl like that who have never had a heart the day they opened their eyes

    9. To Author,
      August 2, 2013 at 9:00 pm

      You are not obsessed, if you were obsessed you wouldn’t even know it and others would tell you that you are. You see the obsessed dont know their obsessed till someone tells them. Oh and unlike True Connections Are Hard To Come By, I believe you DO have a connection with this person. People who have just ‘crushes,’ are more focused on the physical appearance of that person. People with true connections have their hearts bound together. And just looking into that person’s eyes stops time. I know all too well what you’re going through. Because the truth is it happened to me and it has changed my life forever. Best of Luck to you and I hope we find the key to the answers we seek.

    10. Anonymous S...
      August 2, 2013 at 9:45 pm

      I know this feeling all to well.

      Now the question is, “Are we all more obsessed with that particular person that we think so fondly of, or are we all just Obsessed with the idea of being obsessed?”

    11. Teresa
      August 3, 2013 at 6:44 am

      I feel the same way about someone… Can’t fight the connection, because well…. IT happened… and well all I can say is WoW it really really did, this is as real as real can get, but…

    12. In Recovery
      August 3, 2013 at 9:22 am

      I empathize and would recommend those in the same boat look up the term “limerance” and the various sites discussing how to recover from this addictive behaviour/emotion. It is possible and perhaps I’ll need to move into some kind of 12 step program to fully recover, but I’ll give it a little more time. This is not a typical “crush” which will disappear in approximately 18 months. This is something significantly more dangerous, as it is a form of addiction. I get the belief there is some kind of connection, but the minute you start talking about obsession….

    13. true connections...
      August 3, 2013 at 6:56 pm

      @notauthor…I had a connection for over a decade in the real world. You know, the kind where you are separated by miles and time only to find you have found yourselves brought back together again and again. The kind where you met by chance and were actually physically together for years. So please, at least have had an actual relationship with your individual before you attempt to condescend. I don’t care if you get angry, but you are living in a fantasy world, those of you speaking of obsession. How would your person respond if they saw what you wrote here? If they thought you were kind of koo koo then that’s all you need to know. This thread began with a statement of them not sure if it was love at all but a crush. The way some of you talk is how some people feel before stalking and killing their “obsession”. They think they have a “connection” too. I’m not saying that’s you, just how those people thought it was “real” as well. Unless the person has reciprocal feelings for you, it is unhealthy, no?

    14. tricia
      August 4, 2013 at 5:04 pm

      Having a raw connection with someone doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve had to have or are in a relationship with that person. I have a strong connection with someone I have not known on a “relationship” status. I briefly worked with someone who I know hardly anything about and no longer communicate with but i know in my gut I have some connection with him. He may feel differently but I almost sense things with him. Its complete garbage to hear you have to have been with this person on an intimate level in order to have a connection with someone. I am speaking from fact! Anything is possible !

    15. @tricia
      August 4, 2013 at 10:50 pm

      Humor me for one sec okay? I’m not saying this to be insensitive. If you have a connection with this person, have you ever been in the position to be able to confirm his thoughts at any time? Like if you thought he was thinking about how he was craving an apple and then later found out it was so? If not can you open yourself up to the possibility that this connection could possibily be a product of an overactive imagination? Especially if you say it’s a one way street? What if someone on here claimed they had a connection with you but you did not know them? What if they thought you were their soulmate because they sensed it via your writings? How would you feel about that person proclaiming to be your twin flame? Honestly?

    16. T2
      August 5, 2013 at 6:23 am

      All these different perspectives really gives me something to think about. Crush, love, and obsession all seem similar in some ways.

    17. tricia
      August 5, 2013 at 3:20 pm

      I’m not talking about soulmates twin flame bs.. connected defines as stated :

      united, joined, or linked.
      having a connection.
      joined together in sequence; linked coherently: connected ideas.
      related by family ties.
      having social or professional relationships, especially with influential or powerful persons.

      You may be talking about soulmate soul connection.. there are many other forms of connection. now i think you’re just obsessing

    18. To @Tricia
      August 5, 2013 at 3:20 pm

      Excuse me? So your trying to justify that you have a connection if you know what the other is thinking? Whether your suggesting it or not it seems you are implying parapsychology. How can you accuse someone based on their own experience, if YOU haven’t even experienced it yourself! Look if you have a true, honest, deep connection you would feel it on every level of your being the moment you both make eye contact. You will doubt it and think your obsessed, crazy, over imaginative and try to deny it. But time and time again you will have numerous “coincidences” with that person. It will flip your world upside down and open your mind beyond the explanations of science and what is considered accepted. Open your minds and quit criticizing others based on their own experiences.

    19. Kenie
      August 5, 2013 at 5:48 pm

      I think you become more obsessed about someone depending on how much you feel the end of that relationship has cost you. If he was the person that you thought you were going to start yout life with, and all your hopes, dreams and aspirations where based on your getting together with this person. In essence, you have made them your hopes, your life and your dream. You have made them your everything ( your first mistake) then your obsession becomes excessive, for you will always feel that they have taken your everything. while in reality they have taken nothing. It is just that you were stupid or silly enough to count your chickens before they hatched, or put all your eggs in one basket…

    20. tricia
      August 5, 2013 at 8:33 pm

      ps. you said and i quote “what if someone here claimed to have a connection with you.” well, ppl connect everyday on here with letters they’ve written, advice given etc.. I’ve connected with others who have similar situation as i am. i relate. that is also a connection. you are brain locked in soulmates. think outside the box a little.

    21. Tracy-Ann
      August 6, 2013 at 6:33 am

      @Kenie…………you have given me some perspective. I have never thought about it that way before but you’re totally right. Your comment was worth a million. Thank you

    22. S
      August 6, 2013 at 12:27 pm

      Although it started to confuse me (oversaw that @tricia, To@tricia are not the same) I have to say that I like these discussions here. I can relate to all of you. I went through every opinion over time (from believing that there was just a crush to believing that we had/have a real connection). I learned to value that there is a science that focuses on finding indicators and labels for different kinds of relatinonships/beliefs/habits, but I also learned that reality is always more complex than simplyfing models. I learned to accept and (through this site) to listen to different perspectives. I learned that I don’t have everything under control. At the moment I’m at the point that I can say: I know that I know nothing, but I love the fantasy that there was more.

    23. Honesty
      August 6, 2013 at 11:30 pm

      S: I love your reflections and yes I guess so, there was more.

    24. @S
      August 7, 2013 at 12:54 am

      I could not have said it better myself! 🙂 Thank you.

    25. T2
      August 7, 2013 at 6:51 am

      @s- Your comment about science has me thinking about an article I read. It said that you can tell if someone likes you by their pupils. If they dilate when they look at you, in ordinary light, they like you. I haven’t tested that (nor would I recommend it) but it is interesting.

      @ anonymous s- I’ve always felt like I needed something to obsess, or be passionate about (I wanted to be a musician). The musician thing never happened, but I do find that need leaking into other areas of my life. Maybe, I am obsessed with obsession.

    26. tricia
      November 19, 2013 at 7:53 am

      i was reading letters waiting for new posts and saw this one again. i relate to your letter. i can’t help but try to remember the last time i saw him. stopped dead in our tracks held a gaze that was few seconds long but seemed long enough.. he’s left his mark on me for sure. I’ve always loved him but that day was the first time our eyes (for myself) truly met with his and i get chills thinking of it. i try so hard to pull his face into my mind but can’t. one time recently i did remember his face and my heart raced, my body was tingling from head to toe.. i wish so badly i could be with him. to tell him never leave my side. i feel silly sometimes but loving him outweighs how foolish i may feel. anyway, i hope things work out for you.

    27. @tricia, @T2
      November 19, 2013 at 12:30 pm

      “our eyes (for myself) truly met with his and i get chills thinking of it”

      I know what you mean. I feel the same about someone. I never forgot that mindblowing expression in his eyes. Just wow. And it was crazy how he could sense what I wanted to say before I actually said it. I like to think of him as my soulmate. Unfortunately he lives on the other side of the world.

    28. So how did that work out for you?
      January 16, 2014 at 4:24 pm

      Made a few ‘creative changes’

      Pretending (You Ever Cared)

      How many times must you tell your tale?
      How many times must we fall?
      Living in lost memory
      You just recalled

      Working on the sound of the band
      Trying to get the music right
      Two go out working
      Three stay home at night

      That’s when she said she was pretending
      It’s like she knew full well the plan
      That’s when I knew she was pretending
      Pretending to understand

      Pretending, pretending
      Pretending, pretending

      Are you satisfied to be lost in love?
      Situations change
      You’re never were who I used to think you were
      How about that for strange?

      That’s when she confessed she was pretending
      Like she drew up all the plans
      Lies that escaped, I knew she was pretending
      Pretending to understand

      Pretending, pretending
      Pretending, pretending

      I get lost in your alibis
      Sadness can’t prevail
      Everybody think they know
      Strong love can’t fail

      Don’t be pretending about how you feel
      Don’t be pretending that you promise your love is real
      Don’t be pretending about how you feel
      Don’t be pretending that your love is real

      Especially when you are talking to other men

      Pretending, pretending
      talking to other men
      Pretending, pretending
      Where you were
      Where you’ve been


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